Birta is my ‘genius’. (Elizabeth Gilbert explains what that means in this inspiring talk) She is intertwined with my personality rather than an alter ego. As I want to be a writer I couldn’t live without her but sometimes I just want to eliminate her from my life, because her merciless criticism permeates all my thoughts about myself. I send her to her room, but she’s one insidious bugger and always manages to sneak up on me again. She has been bothering me lately.
-Lagging again, you failure? She says, as I save the draft without sending the letter.
-I’m not a failure, I exclaim but she is utterly intact by my annoyance.
-Pardon dear, I should have said successually disempowered.
-What have I done to deserve that kind of viciousness?
-Why are you not doing your part of the job?
-How come the selling part is mine?
She snickered.
-Because you are the one who needs to be provided for. I’m just a spirit, remember, so when that bloating carcass of yours finally gives up, then I will just move into somebody else’s head.
-Bloating carcass! I haven’t even gained weight. I was really agitated this time and sent her a wry look of reproof.
-Well, it’s been bloating for a long time and that’s the parlance, she replied, knowing better. And you should stop furrowing your brow like that, you can’t afford botox.
-No that’s is not the parlance, it is actually called a curvy body.
-Common Eva, just how pathetic can you be? She sighed. A curvy body is well shaped and beautiful. Now if the unconcealed truth is just too much for you, I assume we can talk rosy. We’ll call you beautywise disadvantaged. Happy?
I sniffed at her
-I think we should change roles for a few days, I’ll be the genius and you can do all the hard work.
-Yeah, she said. I’m probably just the right person to ingratiate myself with publishers. I can tell them my views on the stupidity of copyrights and the environmental damage of book printing and I guess that after my impassioned speech they would endorse to a good contract.
She is right. Her approach would probably not be a good prelude to a contract. But evidently, neither is mine.