Er \u00e9g skotin \u00ed honum? Hvernig spyr\u00f0u? Getur\u00f0u nefnt m\u00e9r eina \u00e1st\u00e6\u00f0u fyrir \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 vera ekki skotin \u00ed honum? Ekki svo a\u00f0 skilja a\u00f0 \u00e9g s\u00e9 \u00e1 lei\u00f0 me\u00f0 a\u00f0 leggjast \u00ed einhverja ge\u00f0bilun yfir \u00fev\u00ed, \u00e9g ver\u00f0 l\u00e9ttskotin \u00ed \u00f6llum sem eru ekki anna\u00f0hvort \u00e1 f\u00f6stu e\u00f0a beinl\u00ednis \u00f3ge\u00f0felldir nema hvort tveggja s\u00e9. (Reyndar \u00feykja m\u00e9r afar margir beinl\u00ednis \u00f3ge\u00f0felldir en ekki af \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00feeir s\u00e9u \u00fea\u00f0 \u00ed raun, heldur af \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00e9g er haldin e\u00f0lisl\u00e6gri mannfyrirlitningu sem beinist jafnt a\u00f0 b\u00e1\u00f0um kynjum, b\u00f6rnum, fullor\u00f0num, gemsunum \u00feeirra og g\u00e6lud\u00fdrunum.) \u00c9g hef margsinnis or\u00f0i\u00f0 skotin \u00ed str\u00e1kum \u00e1n \u00feess a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 hafi haft nokkrar sl\u00e6mar aflei\u00f0ingar. Me\u00f0an \u00e9g l\u00e6t \u00fea\u00f0 vera a\u00f0 mynda n\u00e1in tengsl er \u00feetta allt \u00ed lagi.<\/p>\n
Og n\u00fa er \u00e9g sums\u00e9 st\u00f6dd h\u00e9rna og \u00e6tla \u00e9g a\u00f0 gera eitthva\u00f0 \u00ed \u00fev\u00ed? Vitanlega. \u00c9g er nefnilega \u00feannig manneskja. \u00c9g \u00fearf alltaf a\u00f0 gera eitthva\u00f0 \u00ed m\u00e1lunum \u00ed sta\u00f0 \u00feess a\u00f0 gera \u00fea\u00f0 eina sem er eitthvert vit \u00ed, nefnilega ekki neitt. \u00dea\u00f0 eina r\u00e9tta \u00ed st\u00f6\u00f0unni v\u00e6ri au\u00f0vita\u00f0 a\u00f0 takmarka samskipti okkar eins og m\u00f6gulegt er og leggja mig fram um a\u00f0 ver\u00f0a skotin \u00ed einhverjum \u00f6\u00f0rum. (T.d. doktornum m\u00ednum kl\u00e1ra og skemmtilega sem \u00e9g \u00e6tla a\u00f0 giftast einhvernt\u00edma seinna \u00feegar hann er b\u00fainn a\u00f0 ver\u00f0a s\u00e9r \u00fati um krakka e\u00f0a tvo og \u00e9g nenni a\u00f0 gera hann \u00e1stfanginn af m\u00e9r.) Au\u00f0vita\u00f0 v\u00e6ri \u00fea\u00f0 skynsamlegast \u00fev\u00ed vi\u00f0fang „ponkul\u00edti\u00f0 skotinn \u00ed honum“ \u00f3ra minna er, \u00fer\u00e1tt fyrir a\u00f0 taka fulla \u00e1byrg\u00f0 \u00e1 l\u00edfi s\u00ednu, beyg\u00f0ur og barinn og brotinn og marinn, og \u00e9g \u00e1 betra skili\u00f0 en a\u00f0 ver\u00f0a \u00e1stfangin af manni sem hefur miklu meira en n\u00f3g me\u00f0 sj\u00e1lfan sig. \u00c9g \u00fearf mann sem hefur l\u00e1gmark af neikv\u00e6\u00f0ri l\u00edfsreynslu \u00ed farteskinu, kann ekki a\u00f0 lj\u00faga og heldur a\u00f0 l\u00edfshamingjan felist \u00ed \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 vera g\u00f3\u00f0ur vi\u00f0 konuna s\u00edna.<\/p>\n
J\u00e1 \u00e9g er me\u00f0 plan, meira a\u00f0 segja \u00feokkalega poppa\u00f0 plan og \u00e9g veit vel hva\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa hugsar:
\n-D\u00f6, h\u00fan ver\u00f0ur b\u00fain a\u00f0 sofa hj\u00e1 honum fyrir j\u00f3l.
\nEn \u00fea\u00f0 er ekki r\u00e9tt. \u00c9g sef ekki hj\u00e1 m\u00f6nnum sem \u00e9g ver\u00f0 skotin \u00ed, bara af \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 mig langar \u00ed dr\u00e1tt. Get fengi\u00f0 n\u00f3g af sl\u00edku annarssta\u00f0ar. Ma\u00f0ur \u00e9tur ekki tv\u00f6 kg. af \u00f3sprengdu poppkorni og sets svo sj\u00e1lfviljugur inn \u00ed \u00f6rbylgjuofn, nei ef ma\u00f0ur endilega vill \u00fej\u00e1st, \u00fe\u00e1 gerir ma\u00f0ur \u00fea\u00f0 v\u00edsindalega. Og \u00fea\u00f0 er \u00fea\u00f0 sem \u00e9g \u00e6tla a\u00f0 gera. \u00dea\u00f0 er nefnilega svo hrikalega gaman a\u00f0 vera ponkul\u00edti\u00f0 skotin \u00ed einhverjum og \u00fej\u00e1st svol\u00edti\u00f0 vegna \u00feess.<\/p>\n
\u00c9g \u00e6tla a\u00f0 treina \u00fea\u00f0, fara h\u00e6gt og r\u00f3lega \u00ed gegnum \u00f6ll stig skotsins og \u00fej\u00e1ningarinnar og komast yfir \u00fea\u00f0 \u00e1n \u00feess a\u00f0 leggjast \u00ed r\u00fast. \u00c9g \u00e6tla a\u00f0 gera \u00fea\u00f0 v\u00edsindalega. \u00c9g \u00e6tla a\u00f0 finna m\u00e9r st\u00f3ra krukku og setja \u00e1 hana rau\u00f0an mi\u00f0a me\u00f0 merkingunni „fullkominn“. Svo \u00e6tla \u00e9g a\u00f0 setja popma\u00edsbaunir \u00ed krukkuna. Eitt korn fyrir hverja \u00e1st\u00e6\u00f0u sem \u00e9g get fundi\u00f0 til \u00feess a\u00f0 vera skotin \u00ed honum. \u00dea\u00f0 ver\u00f0a sennilega ca. 2 kg. af popma\u00eds. Eitt korn geymi \u00e9g samt upp\u00ed sk\u00e1p, vi\u00f0 hli\u00f0ina \u00e1 ney\u00f0ars\u00fakkula\u00f0inu. N\u00e6st finn \u00e9g a\u00f0ra krukku. St\u00f3ra. Risast\u00f3ra. \u00c9g set \u00e1 hana gr\u00e6nan mi\u00f0a me\u00f0 merkingunni „kannski ekkert svo rosalega fullkominn“. Svo \u00e6tla \u00e9g a\u00f0 leggja mig fram um a\u00f0 finna \u00e1 honum sem allra flesta galla. \u00cd hvert sinn sem \u00e9g finn galla e\u00f0a eitthva\u00f0 sem m\u00e9r g\u00e6ti hugsanlega tekist a\u00f0 l\u00e1ta fara \u00ed taugarnar \u00e1 m\u00e9r, \u00e6tla \u00e9g a\u00f0 flytja eitt korn \u00far „fullkominn“ krukkunni, yfir \u00ed „kannski ekkert svo rosalega fullkominn“ krukkuna. \u00deegar eru jafn m\u00f6rg korn \u00ed b\u00e1\u00f0um krukkunum, \u00e6tla \u00e9g a\u00f0 fleka hann. Frammista\u00f0a hans \u00ed b\u00e6linu r\u00e6\u00f0ur \u00fev\u00ed hva\u00f0 \u00e9g geri vi\u00f0 korni\u00f0 sem \u00e9g geymi vi\u00f0 hli\u00f0ina \u00e1 ney\u00f0ars\u00fakkula\u00f0inu.<\/p>\n
Ef hann er hl\u00fd\u00f0inn og me\u00f0f\u00e6rilegur fer \u00fea\u00f0 \u00ed „fullkominn“ krukkuna. Ef hann er stj\u00f3rnsamur og kr\u00f6fuhar\u00f0ur fer \u00fea\u00f0 l\u00edka \u00ed „fullkominn“ krukkuna. Ef hann er bl\u00ed\u00f0ur og ind\u00e6ll fer \u00fea\u00f0 \u00ed „fullkominn“ krukkuna. Ef hann er r\u00f6ff og t\u00f6ff fer \u00fea\u00f0 \u00ed „fullkominn“ krukkuna. Ef hann er feiminn og kr\u00fattlegur fer \u00fea\u00f0 \u00ed „fullkominn“ krukkuna og ef hann er djarfur og upp\u00e1t\u00e6kjasamur fer \u00fea\u00f0 \u00ed „fullkominn“ krukkuna. (Af \u00feessari upptalningu m\u00e1 sj\u00e1 hva\u00f0 \u00e9g hef \u00e1kve\u00f0nar hugmyndir um \u00fea\u00f0 hva\u00f0 \u00e9g vil \u00ed b\u00e6linu). Ef hann neitar a\u00f0 l\u00e1ta fleka sig n\u00e6 \u00e9g \u00ed 3 aukakorn og set \u00feau \u00f6ll \u00ed „fullkominn“ krukkuna \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00e9g hef svo gaman af \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 takast \u00e1 vi\u00f0 \u00f6grandi vi\u00f0fangsefni. Ef hann reynir alvarlega vi\u00f0 mig \u00e1\u00f0ur en \u00e9g t\u00e6li hann, \u00e1n \u00e1rangurs, fara 3 korn \u00ed krukkuna me\u00f0 gr\u00e6na mi\u00f0anum. Ef honum tekst a\u00f0 f\u00e1 mig \u00ed b\u00e6li\u00f0 a\u00f0 fyrra brag\u00f0i, set \u00e9g 7 korn \u00ed krukkuna me\u00f0 rau\u00f0a mi\u00f0anum, en hann \u00fearf l\u00edka a\u00f0 vera skrattanum meira sjarmerandi til \u00feess a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 gangi upp. Ef hann gefur m\u00e9r n\u00e1kv\u00e6m m\u00e1l af vininum, segir m\u00e9r kvennafarss\u00f6gur af sj\u00e1lfum s\u00e9r \u00e1 me\u00f0an \u00e1 forf\u00e6ringu stendur e\u00f0a krefst \u00feess a\u00f0 \u00e9g f\u00e1i ra\u00f0fulln\u00e6gingu gegn vilja m\u00ednum, \u00fe\u00e1 fer korni\u00f0 \u00ed sk\u00e1pnum hj\u00e1 ney\u00f0ars\u00fakkula\u00f0inu, \u00e1samt \u00f6llum \u00feeim aukakornum sem \u00e9g hef hugsanlega \u00feurft a\u00f0 gr\u00edpa til, \u00ed „kannski ekkert svo rosalega fullkominn“ krukkuna.<\/p>\n
Eftir \u00feessa ath\u00f6fn ver\u00f0ur ekki lengur jafnt \u00ed krukkunum. Ef ver\u00f0a fleiri korn \u00ed „fullkominn“ krukkunni, held \u00e9g leiknum \u00e1fram \u00fear til \u00f6ll kornin eru komin \u00ed krukkuna me\u00f0 gr\u00e6na mi\u00f0anum. \u00de\u00e1 n\u00e6 \u00e9g m\u00e9r \u00ed heilt kg. af popmais \u00ed vi\u00f0b\u00f3t og held \u00e1fram a\u00f0 fylla „kannski ekkert svo rosalega fullkominn“ krukkuna. Ef \u00e9g ver\u00f0 samt skotin \u00ed honum enn\u00fe\u00e1 \u00feegar krukkan er or\u00f0in full, \u00e6tla \u00e9g a\u00f0 bi\u00f0ja hans. Ma\u00f0ur \u00e1 nefnilega aldrei a\u00f0 giftast neinum fyrr en ma\u00f0ur er kominn me\u00f0 algert \u00f3ge\u00f0 \u00e1 honum en vill samt hafa hann hj\u00e1 s\u00e9r.<\/p>\n
Ef ver\u00f0ur meira \u00ed „kannski ekkert svo rosalega fullkominn“ krukkunni, eftir forf\u00e6ringuna, \u00e6tla \u00e9g a\u00f0 poppa. \u00c9g sprengi \u00f6ll helv\u00edtis kornin \u00far b\u00e1\u00f0um krukkunum. Svo \u00e9t \u00e9g \u00feau h\u00e6gt og r\u00f3lega. Eitt \u00ed einu og finn hvernig \u00feau hja\u00f0na \u00e1 tungunni. \u00c9g \u00e9t \u00feau ofan \u00ed mig hvert og eitt einasta. B\u00e6\u00f0i \u00feau sem springa og l\u00edka \u00feau sem springa ekki, heldur l\u00edta \u00e1fram \u00fat eins og l\u00edtil gyllt t\u00e1r. \u00c9g \u00e9t \u00feau \u00f6ll og svo \u00e6tla \u00e9g a\u00f0 \u00feamba 3 l\u00edtra af volgu vatni, stinga fingri ofan \u00ed kok og \u00e6la \u00feeim. \u00d6llum. \u00c9g \u00e6tla a\u00f0 \u00e6la, \u00fear til \u00e9g er gj\u00f6rsamlega t\u00e6md. \u00dear til ekki eitt einasta gyllt t\u00e1r, ekki einn einasti hja\u00f0na\u00f0i poppkjarni, situr eftir \u00ed maganum \u00e1 m\u00e9r. S\u00ed\u00f0an \u00e6tla \u00e9g a\u00f0 sturta ni\u00f0ur og halda \u00e1fram a\u00f0 hugsa upp n\u00fdjar a\u00f0fer\u00f0ir til a\u00f0 hr\u00e6\u00f0a doktorinn minn fr\u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 vilja nokku\u00f0 me\u00f0 mig hafa. Doktorinn minn sem er svo saklaus og hreinn og svo fallega innr\u00e6ttur a\u00f0 hann \u00e1 \u00f6rugglega eitthva\u00f0 betra skili\u00f0 en a\u00f0 ver\u00f0a hrifinn af konu, sem \u00fer\u00e1tt fyrir a\u00f0 taka fulla \u00e1byrg\u00f0 \u00e1 s\u00ednu eigin l\u00edfi er \u00fereytt og \u00fev\u00e6ld og \u00feunglynd og sp\u00e6ld og hefur miklu meira en n\u00f3g me\u00f0 sj\u00e1lfa sig.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Er \u00e9g skotin \u00ed honum? Hvernig spyr\u00f0u? Getur\u00f0u nefnt m\u00e9r eina \u00e1st\u00e6\u00f0u fyrir \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 vera ekki skotin \u00ed honum? Ekki svo a\u00f0 skilja a\u00f0 \u00e9g s\u00e9 \u00e1 lei\u00f0 me\u00f0 a\u00f0 leggjast \u00ed einhverja ge\u00f0bilun yfir \u00fev\u00ed, \u00e9g ver\u00f0 l\u00e9ttskotin … Halda \u00e1fram a\u00f0 lesa