\u00cd g\u00e6r f\u00f3r \u00e9g til l\u00e6knis sem tj\u00e1\u00f0i m\u00e9r a\u00f0 \u00fear sem \u00e9g v\u00e6ri haldin \u00f3ge\u00f0spestinni virus diabolus (sem \u00fatleggst \u00e1 \u00edslensku „dj\u00f6fulleg veirus\u00fdking“ e\u00f0a „v\u00edru\u00f0 dj\u00f6flapest“) v\u00e6ri ekkert h\u00e6gt a\u00f0 gera \u00ed m\u00e1linu nema g\u00falla \u00ed mig \u00edb\u00fafeni og park\u00f3d\u00edni, halda mig undir s\u00e6ng fram a\u00f0 helgi, jafnvel framyfir helgi ef park\u00f3feni\u00f0 dyg\u00f0i ekki til og l\u00e1ta „einhvern“ stjana vi\u00f0 mig. \u00c9g skyldi svo hafa samband \u00e1 m\u00e1nudaginn ef \u00e9g yr\u00f0i ekkert sk\u00e1rri. M\u00e6ess, einhvern, \u00feekki\u00f0 \u00fei\u00f0 „einhvern“ sem hefur ekki n\u00f3g a\u00f0 gera vi\u00f0 a\u00f0 vinna fyrir j\u00f3lav\u00edsunni og stjana vi\u00f0 sitt eigi\u00f0 slekti?<\/p>\n
\u00c9g s\u00e1 a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 \u00feetta \u00e1stand yr\u00f0i ekki una\u00f0 fram yfir helgi og ekkert gr\u00e6ddi \u00e9g \u00feessum l\u00e6knavingli svo \u00e9g t\u00f3k mig til og s\u00e6r\u00f0i fram dj\u00f6fulinn sj\u00e1lfan, enda krankleikinn kenndur vi\u00f0 hann og me\u00f0 illu skal illt \u00fat reka.<\/p>\n
\u00dea\u00f0 er ekkert m\u00e1l a\u00f0 s\u00e6ra fram Myrkrah\u00f6f\u00f0ingjann og p\u00faka hans. \u00c9g sl\u00e1tra\u00f0i bara sv\u00f6rtum ketti \u00e1 me\u00f0an \u00e9g \u00feuldi fa\u00f0irvori\u00f0 aftur \u00e1 bak og gekk \u00ferj\u00e1 hringi rangs\u00e6lis \u00ed kringum fr\u00edkirkjuna \u00ed Hafnarfir\u00f0i. \u00c1\u00f0ur haf\u00f0i \u00e9g sko\u00f0a\u00f0 f\u00e9lagaskr\u00e1 \u00d3mega. \u00dear fann \u00e9g nokkrar fermingastelpur sem eiga b\u00e6\u00f0i foreldra og systkini \u00ed kristlingas\u00f6fnu\u00f0um. \u00c9g borga\u00f0i s\u00e6ta str\u00e1knum \u00ed B\u00f3nus 2000 kall fyrir a\u00f0 t\u00e6la \u00fe\u00e1 feitustu og n\u00f6rdalegustu \u00fat af l\u00f3\u00f0inni og \u00fe\u00f3ttist \u00fear komin me\u00f0 hi\u00f0 sjaldg\u00e6fa fyrirb\u00e6ri hreina mey. (\u00de\u00e6r \u00feurfa a\u00f0 vera or\u00f0nar kyn\u00feroska til a\u00f0 \u00feetta virki svo \u00fea\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fd\u00f0ir ekkert a\u00f0 fara \u00e1 leiksk\u00f3lana.) \u00c9g neyddi svo st\u00falkukindina til a\u00f0 drekka bl\u00f3\u00f0 kattarins. \u00c9g h\u00f3ta\u00f0i \u00fev\u00ed bara a\u00f0 annars skyldi \u00e9g pers\u00f3nulega kjafta \u00fev\u00ed \u00ed Lykla-P\u00e9tur a\u00f0 h\u00fan v\u00e6ri \u00feegar b\u00fain a\u00f0 finna g-blettinn. \u00dea\u00f0 hreif. H\u00fan g\u00falla\u00f0i bl\u00f3\u00f0inu \u00ed sig, var greinilega alveg me\u00f0 g-blettinn \u00e1 hreinu og ekki par \u00e1n\u00e6g\u00f0 me\u00f0 tilhugsunina um a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 k\u00e6mist upp. \u00c9g er ekki hissa \u00fe\u00f3tt h\u00fan \u00feekki g-blettinn. H\u00fan er ekki beinl\u00ednis f\u00e9lagsv\u00e6n garmskarni\u00f0 og \u00fear sem allt menningarefni anna\u00f0 en Var\u00f0turninn og Jes\u00fapopp er v\u00e6ntanlega banna\u00f0 \u00e1 heimili hennar, hefur h\u00fan sennilega l\u00edti\u00f0 anna\u00f0 vi\u00f0 t\u00edmann a\u00f0 gera en a\u00f0 leita a\u00f0 hinum og \u00feessum blettum.<\/p>\n
Satan sj\u00e1lfur st\u00e9 svo fram og bjarga\u00f0i st\u00falkunni fr\u00e1 margra \u00e1ra sk\u00edrl\u00edfi, henni til \u00f3m\u00e6ldrar \u00e1n\u00e6gju. N\u00fa f\u00e6r h\u00fan l\u00edklega a\u00f0 koma fram hj\u00e1 \u00d3mega og l\u00e1ta reka \u00far s\u00e9r illa anda og \u00fearf \u00fe\u00e1 ekki lengur a\u00f0 leika \u00ed augl\u00fdsingum fyrir Regnbogab\u00f6rn til a\u00f0 f\u00e1 athygli. Myrkrah\u00f6f\u00f0inginn vildi hinsvegar ekkert me\u00f0 mig hafa \u00fer\u00e1tt fyrir auglj\u00f3san \u00e1huga minn, sag\u00f0ist bara ekki taka s\u00e9nsinn \u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 smitast af \u00feessari \u00f3ge\u00f0spest minni. Vi\u00f0 ger\u00f0um hins vegar me\u00f0 okkur samning til eins \u00e1rs, sem \u00e9g er satt a\u00f0 segja harla \u00e1n\u00e6g\u00f0 me\u00f0:<\/p>\n
K\u00f6lski \u00e6tlar sems\u00e9 a\u00f0 losa mig vi\u00f0 h\u00e1lsb\u00f3lguna og sj\u00e1 til \u00feess a\u00f0 \u00e9g veikist ekki framar (\u00fe.e.a.s. n\u00e6sta \u00e1ri\u00f0). \u00cd sta\u00f0inn \u00e6tla \u00e9g a\u00f0 vera virkilega sl\u00e6m kona allt \u00feetta \u00e1r og fram til 20. febr\u00faar 2006. \u00c9g ba\u00f0 um einn dag \u00ed afsl\u00e1tt \u00fear sem \u00e9g taldi mig hafa s\u00fdnt verulega illt innr\u00e6ti me\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 misnota fituhlussuna \u00e1 ofangreindan h\u00e1tt en hann t\u00f3k \u00fea\u00f0 ekki \u00ed m\u00e1l, sag\u00f0i a\u00f0 \u00e9g g\u00e6ti bara liti\u00f0 \u00e1 g\u00f3\u00f0verk af \u00fev\u00ed tagi sem sm\u00e1vegis \u00e6fingu.<\/p>\n
\u00c9g held a\u00f0 s\u00e1 svarti sj\u00e1lfur s\u00e9 alveg a\u00f0 standa vi\u00f0 sitt \u00fev\u00ed \u00e9g er miklu betri \u00ed dag og hef \u00fe\u00f3 ekki unni\u00f0 neitt st\u00f3rv\u00e6gilegt illvirki. \u00c9g er a\u00f0 v\u00edsu b\u00fain a\u00f0 l\u00edta s\u00e6ta str\u00e1kinn \u00ed B\u00f3nus girndarauga (held a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9u pervasj\u00f3nir m\u00ednar gagnvart n\u00fd\u00fatskrifu\u00f0um st\u00fadentum sem hafa valdi\u00f0 heilsuhreysti minni hinga\u00f0 til, ekki er \u00fea\u00f0 \u00fativist, hreyfing og hollt matar\u00e6\u00f0i, svo miki\u00f0 er v\u00edst) kl\u00e6mast vi\u00f0 nokkra netperra og ginna \u00fe\u00e1 til a\u00f0 skr\u00f3pa \u00ed vinnunni til a\u00f0 hitta mig \u00e1 kl\u00f3settinu \u00e1 Hlemmi, senda \u00feeim svo sms; LOL, hj\u00e1lpa\u00f0u \u00fe\u00e9r sj\u00e1lfur, \u00edd\u00ed\u00f3t<\/em> og sleppa \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 taka \u00far \u00fevottav\u00e9linni \u00fe\u00f3tt \u00e9g hafi alveg heilsu til \u00feess. Aukinheldur hef \u00e9g lagt nafn gu\u00f0s vi\u00f0 h\u00e9g\u00f3ma; sag\u00f0i a\u00f0 Johnny Depp v\u00e6ri gv\u00f6\u00f0d\u00f3mlega sex\u00fd og hugsa\u00f0 upp dj\u00f6ffulegt plan um \u00fea\u00f0 hvernig \u00e9g get stoli\u00f0 undan skatti.<\/p>\n \u00cd kv\u00f6ld \u00e6tla \u00e9g a\u00f0 kalla m\u00f3\u00f0ur m\u00edna hn\u00fdsinn sl\u00e1turkepp, lofa m\u00e9r \u00ed vinnu alla helgina (til \u00f6ryggis \u00fear sem kristlingar eru ekki einhuga um \u00fea\u00f0 hvort hv\u00edldardagurinn er \u00e1 laugardegi e\u00f0a sunnudegi) og fara inn \u00e1 Fasteignavefinn og hamast vi\u00f0 a\u00f0girnast h\u00fas n\u00e1unga m\u00edns.<\/p>\n Ef \u00feessar a\u00f0ger\u00f0ir duga ekki til \u00feess a\u00f0 \u00e9g ver\u00f0i or\u00f0in g\u00f3\u00f0 \u00e1 morgun, gr\u00edp \u00e9g til \u00f6r\u00ferifar\u00e1\u00f0a. \u00c9g g\u00e6ti t.d. banka\u00f0 upp \u00e1 hj\u00e1 Bruggaranum \u00ed fyrram\u00e1li\u00f0 og misnota\u00f0 morgunb\u00f3nerinn til a\u00f0 t\u00e1ldraga hann barnungan.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u00cd g\u00e6r f\u00f3r \u00e9g til l\u00e6knis sem tj\u00e1\u00f0i m\u00e9r a\u00f0 \u00fear sem \u00e9g v\u00e6ri haldin \u00f3ge\u00f0spestinni virus diabolus (sem \u00fatleggst \u00e1 \u00edslensku „dj\u00f6fulleg veirus\u00fdking“ e\u00f0a „v\u00edru\u00f0 dj\u00f6flapest“) v\u00e6ri ekkert h\u00e6gt a\u00f0 gera \u00ed m\u00e1linu nema g\u00falla \u00ed mig \u00edb\u00fafeni og … Halda \u00e1fram a\u00f0 lesa