{"id":5158,"date":"2009-04-19T00:19:30","date_gmt":"2009-04-19T00:19:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pistillinn.is\/?p=5158"},"modified":"2017-09-08T14:44:15","modified_gmt":"2017-09-08T14:44:15","slug":"refsarinn-skal-saeta-refsingu","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/pistlar\/refsarinn-skal-saeta-refsingu\/","title":{"rendered":"Refsarinn skal s\u00e6ta refsingu"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Fyrir nokkrum \u00e1rum bj\u00f3 \u00e9g \u00ed fj\u00f6lb\u00fdlish\u00fasi og \u00e1 h\u00e6\u00f0inni fyrir ofan mig bj\u00f3 ma\u00f0ur sem nota\u00f0i h\u00e1v\u00e6r \u00f6skur sem uppeldisa\u00f0fer\u00f0. Varla lei\u00f0 dagur \u00e1n \u00feess a\u00f0 fa\u00f0irinn \u00f6skra\u00f0i og barni\u00f0 gr\u00e9ti og hef\u00f0i \u00feurft verulega skerta heyrn til a\u00f0 lei\u00f0a \u00fea\u00f0 hj\u00e1 s\u00e9r.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Haukur vildi a\u00f0 \u00e9g ‘ger\u00f0i eitthva\u00f0 \u00ed m\u00e1linu’ og \u00feegar \u00e9g sag\u00f0i honum a\u00f0 \u00e9g hef\u00f0i ekkert umbo\u00f0 til \u00feess a\u00f0 stj\u00f3rna \u00e1 heimilum annarra e\u00f0a veita tils\u00f6gn \u00ed barnauppeldi \u00f3be\u00f0in, \u00fe\u00e1 stakk hann upp \u00e1 a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 settum \u00feetta \u00ed hendur barnaverndarnefndar. \u00c9g sag\u00f0i honum a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 v\u00e6ri fr\u00e1leitt. Ekkert benti til \u00feess a\u00f0 barni\u00f0 v\u00e6ri bari\u00f0 e\u00f0a vanr\u00e6kt, ekki anna\u00f0 a\u00f0 sj\u00e1 en a\u00f0 foreldrarnir v\u00e6ru regluf\u00f3lk, barni\u00f0 var vel n\u00e6rt og vel kl\u00e6tt, m\u00e6tti \u00e1 leiksk\u00f3lann \u00e1 r\u00e9ttum t\u00edma og var komi\u00f0 \u00ed r\u00fami\u00f0 \u00e1 skikkanlegum t\u00edma \u00e1 kv\u00f6ldin. \u00dea\u00f0 v\u00e6ri afskaplega \u00f3l\u00edklegt a\u00f0 barnaverndarnefnd myndi l\u00edta \u00e1 \u00fea\u00f0 sem vandam\u00e1l \u00fe\u00f3tt pabbinn st\u00e6\u00f0i \u00e1 garginu \u00ed hvert sinn sem \u00feyrfti a\u00f0 aga barni\u00f0.<\/p>\n

Haukur sag\u00f0i \u00fe\u00e1 vi\u00f0 mig:
\n-Eftir 20 e\u00f0a 30 \u00e1r, kemur \u00feessi stelpa fram \u00ed Kastlj\u00f3sinu og l\u00fdsir \u00fev\u00ed hvernig h\u00fan hafi alist upp \u00ed st\u00f6\u00f0ugum \u00f3tta og \u00e6singi. Og h\u00fan mun l\u00edka segja fr\u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 n\u00e1grannarnir hafi alveg vita\u00f0 hva\u00f0 var \u00ed gangi en enginn hafi skipt s\u00e9r af \u00fev\u00ed.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00c9g ver\u00f0 a\u00f0 j\u00e1ta a\u00f0 hann kom illa vi\u00f0 samviskuna \u00ed m\u00e9r en \u00e9g ger\u00f0i samt ekki neitt. Au\u00f0vita\u00f0 hef\u00f0i \u00e9g \u00e1tt a\u00f0 gera eitthva\u00f0. \u00c9g veit ekki alveg hva\u00f0 en \u00fea\u00f0 er ekki r\u00e9ttl\u00e6tanlegt a\u00f0 l\u00e1ta andlegt ofbeldi vi\u00f0gangast \u00fe\u00f3tt \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 kannski ekki af gr\u00f3fara taginu og \u00feetta er ekki i eina skipti\u00f0 sem \u00e9g hef brug\u00f0ist barni.<\/p>\n

\u00de\u00f3tt \u00e9g s\u00e9 almennt \u00e1 m\u00f3ti ofbeldi er nau\u00f0synlegt a\u00f0 gera greinarmun \u00e1 ofbeldi og r\u00e9ttm\u00e6tri valdbeitingu. Uppeldi er valdbeiting \u00ed sj\u00e1lfu s\u00e9r og \u00fea\u00f0 valdbeiting sem hl\u00fdtur a\u00f0 eiga r\u00e9tt \u00e1 s\u00e9r. Foreldrarnir e\u00f0a a\u00f0rir fullor\u00f0nir stj\u00f3rna l\u00edfi barnsins oftar en ekki algerlega fyrstu \u00e1rin og gefa svo barninu lausari taum eftir \u00fev\u00ed sem \u00fea\u00f0 \u00f6\u00f0last sj\u00e1lfst\u00e6\u00f0i og \u00e1byrg\u00f0 til a\u00f0 fara me\u00f0 vald og frelsi. \u00c9g held satt a\u00f0 segja a\u00f0 f\u00e1tt s\u00e9 barni \u00f3hollara en a\u00f0 n\u00e1 stj\u00f3rn \u00e1 foreldrum s\u00ednum og l\u00edtil manneskja me\u00f0 mikil v\u00f6ld en enga \u00e1byrg\u00f0artilfinningu er ekki \u00e6skilegur stj\u00f3rnandi.<\/p>\n

\u00dea\u00f0 er svo aftur umdeilanlegra hva\u00f0a valdbeitingara\u00f0fer\u00f0ir s\u00e9u \u00e6skilegar og r\u00e9ttl\u00e1tar. M\u00e1 berja b\u00f6rn til hl\u00fd\u00f0ni? Er \u00fea\u00f0 \u00e1rangursr\u00edkt? \u00c1rangursr\u00edkt \u00ed \u00feeirri merkingu a\u00f0 barni\u00f0 gegni, e\u00f0a \u00e1rangursr\u00edkt \u00ed \u00feeirri merkingu a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 ver\u00f0i f\u00e6rara um a\u00f0 axla \u00e1byr\u00f0? E\u00f0a hvorttveggja? Og hversu lagt g\u00f6ngum vi\u00f0 \u00ed \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 skilgreina valdbeitingu sem refsingu? Merkja n\u00fdju barnal\u00f6gin a\u00f0 m\u00e9r beri a\u00f0 k\u00e6ra n\u00e1granna minn fyrir a\u00f0 \u00f6skra \u00e1 barni\u00f0?<\/p>\n

\u00c9g dreg ekki \u00ed efa r\u00e9tt og skyldu foreldra til a\u00f0 aga b\u00f6rn s\u00edn. \u00c9g er hinsvegar efins um nau\u00f0syn og gildi refsinga. \u00c9g veit ekki um neinar ranns\u00f3knir sem \u00e9g get v\u00edsa\u00f0 til en ef l\u00edkamlegar refsingar v\u00e6ru \u00e1rangursr\u00edk uppeldisa\u00f0fer\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e1 v\u00e6ri r\u00f6kr\u00e9tt a\u00f0 \u00e1lykta a\u00f0 me\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 flengja b\u00f6rn fyrir \u00f3\u00feekkt, \u00fe\u00e1 \u00e6ttu \u00feeir sem \u00fev\u00ed beita a\u00f0 vera b\u00fanir a\u00f0 n\u00e1 nokku\u00f0 g\u00f3\u00f0um \u00e1rangri um \u00fea\u00f0 leyti sem barni\u00f0 byrjar \u00ed sk\u00f3la og a\u00f0 \u00feau b\u00f6rn sem hafa alist upp vi\u00f0 flengingar v\u00e6ru almennt hl\u00fd\u00f0nari og me\u00f0f\u00e6rilegri en hin. \u00c9g s\u00e9 n\u00fa ekki sl\u00edkt samhengi og ekki s\u00e9 \u00e9g heldur a\u00f0 b\u00f6rn ver\u00f0i neitt \u00fe\u00e6gari \u00fe\u00f3tt s\u00e9 \u00f6skra\u00f0 \u00e1 \u00feau reglulega, frekar a\u00f0 \u00feau h\u00e6tti a\u00f0 taka mark \u00e1 h\u00e1va\u00f0a ef eitthva\u00f0 er. Eins er \u00fea\u00f0 nokku\u00f0 athyglisvert a\u00f0 \u00ed d\u00f3mskerfinu vir\u00f0ast refsingar skila afskaplega litlum \u00e1rangri \u00ed \u00fe\u00e1 veru a\u00f0 m\u00f3ta heg\u00f0un. Allavega eru meira en 70% \u00feeirra sem lenda \u00ed fangelsi komnir inn aftur innan 5 \u00e1ra fr\u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 afpl\u00e1nun l\u00fdkur og \u00fe\u00e1 eru \u00f3taldir \u00feeir sem fremja afbrot og komast upp me\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0.<\/p>\n

Refsing er neikv\u00e6tt \u00e1reiti sem er \u00e6tla\u00f0 a\u00f0 st\u00f6\u00f0va e\u00f0a jafnvel uppr\u00e6ta tiltekna heg\u00f0un. \u00c9g tel \u00fe\u00f3 vafasamt a\u00f0 refsingar hafi raunverulega \u00feau \u00e1hrif a\u00f0 uppr\u00e6ta heg\u00f0un hvort heldur er \u00ed barnauppeldi e\u00f0a d\u00f3mskerfinu. \u00dea\u00f0 er allavega reynsla d\u00f3mskerfisins \u00fev\u00ed \u00feegar menn skipuleggja afbrot er \u00fea\u00f0 ekki \u00feyngd refsingarinnar sem \u00feeir horfa til, heldur l\u00edkurnar \u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 upp komist. Refsingar virka semsagt ekki, nema \u00fe\u00e1 til a\u00f0 st\u00f6\u00f0va tilteki\u00f0 atferli \u00e1 tilteknu augnabilki heldur eru \u00fe\u00e6r fyrst og fremst t\u00e6ki til a\u00f0 n\u00e1 fram hefnd. Hefnd \u00e1 a\u00f0 m\u00ednu mati oft fullan r\u00e9tt \u00e1 s\u00e9r en \u00fe\u00f3 a\u00f0eins milli jafningja. S\u00e1 sem hefur miki\u00f0 vald yfir annarri manneskju, einkum foreldri gagnvart barni og yfirvaldi\u00f0 gagnvart einstaklingi, \u00e1 ekki si\u00f0fer\u00f0ilegan r\u00e9tt til hefnda.<\/p>\n

\u00c9g er \u00fev\u00ed \u00ed grundvallaratri\u00f0um samm\u00e1la \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 refsingar \u00e6ttu ekki a\u00f0 vera uppeldisa\u00f0fer\u00f0, heldur \u00e6tti frekar a\u00f0 notast vi\u00f0 j\u00e1kv\u00e6\u00f0a styrkingu og brottn\u00e1m umbunar ef \u00fearf a\u00f0 beita \u00fevingunara\u00f0ger\u00f0um \u00e1 anna\u00f0 bor\u00f0. \u00de\u00f3 geta komi\u00f0 upp atvik sem r\u00e9ttl\u00e6ta ekki a\u00f0eins refsingu (\u00ed merkingunni \u00f3\u00fe\u00e6gilegt \u00e1reiti), heldur \u00fatheimta beinl\u00ednis valdbeitingu sem jafnvel m\u00e1 flokka sem ofbeldi. \u00dear \u00e1 \u00e9g vi\u00f0 atvik \u00fear sem \u00fearf a\u00f0 st\u00f6\u00f0va tiltekna heg\u00f0un strax, t.d. a\u00f0 barni\u00f0 gangi \u00ed skrokk \u00e1 einhverjum. \u00c9g held \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 fyrsta grein\u00a0n\u00fdrra barnalaga<\/a>\u00a0‘b\u00f6rn eiga r\u00e9tt \u00e1 vernd og um\u00f6nnun og skulu ekki \u00feurfa a\u00f0 \u00feola l\u00edkamlegar e\u00f0a andlegar refsingar e\u00f0a annars konar illa me\u00f0fer\u00f0,’\u00a0<\/em>haldi ekki vatni. Auglj\u00f3slega er \u00fea\u00f0 r\u00e9tt og gott sj\u00f3narmi\u00f0 a\u00f0 b\u00f6rn eigi ekki a\u00f0 \u00feola ‘illa me\u00f0fer\u00f0’ en hinsvegar m\u00e1 deila um hvort allar refsingar s\u00e9u \u00ed \u00f6llum tilvikum endilega ill me\u00f0fer\u00f0. \u00dea\u00f0 er a\u00f0 m\u00ednu viti ill me\u00f0fer\u00f0 a\u00f0 standa \u00e1 garginu \u00ed hvert sinn sem barn er \u00f3r\u00f3legt e\u00f0a vill ekki bursta tennurnar, \u00fev\u00ed \u00fea\u00f0 hl\u00fdtur anna\u00f0hvort a\u00f0 gera barni\u00f0 taugaveikla\u00f0 e\u00f0a \u00f3n\u00e6mt. \u00dea\u00f0 er hinsvegar ekkert ill me\u00f0fer\u00f0, \u00fe\u00f3tt foreldri \u00f6skri \u00e1 barn ef \u00fea\u00f0 \u00f3gnar \u00f6\u00f0ru barni me\u00f0 bitvopni e\u00f0a s\u00fdnir a\u00f0ra heg\u00f0un sem getur engan vegin talist \u00e1s\u00e6ttanleg.<\/p>\n

\u00c9g er samm\u00e1la anda \u00feessara laga og hef svosem ekki verulegar \u00e1hyggjur af \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00feau ver\u00f0i t\u00falku\u00f0 \u00e1 \u00feann veg a\u00f0 b\u00f6rnum s\u00e9 heimilt a\u00f0 k\u00faga foreldra s\u00edna en \u00e9g er efins um \u00fe\u00e1 stefnu a\u00f0 leggja refsingar og ofbeldi a\u00f0 j\u00f6fnu. \u00dea\u00f0 sem ergir mig \u00fe\u00f3 meira er a\u00f0 menn skuli ekki enn hafa lagt bann vi\u00f0 tilteknu ofbeldi gagnvart b\u00f6rnum sem er enn\u00fe\u00e1 nokku\u00f0 algengt \u00fe\u00f3tt \u00fea\u00f0 \u00fej\u00f3ni alls ekki uppeldislegum tilgangi. \u00dear \u00e1 \u00e9g vi\u00f0 \u00feann \u00f3s\u00f3ma a\u00f0 reykja inni \u00e1 heimilum barna.<\/p>\n

\u00cd hvert sinn sem \u00e9g vi\u00f0ra \u00fe\u00e1 sko\u00f0un a\u00f0 reykingar \u00ed n\u00e1vist barna og annarra varnarlausra eigi a\u00f0 vera \u00f3l\u00f6glegar, f\u00e6 \u00e9g arfahall\u00e6risleg komment um a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 ver\u00f0i n\u00fa n\u00f3g a\u00f0 gera hj\u00e1 l\u00f6ggunni ef h\u00fan eigi a\u00f0 hafa eftirlit me\u00f0 reykingum inni \u00e1 heimilum f\u00f3lks. Sorr\u00fd St\u00edna en ofbeldi er l\u00f6gum samkv\u00e6mt \u00f3heimilt, sem og vanr\u00e6ksla \u00e1 b\u00f6rnum og \u00feeim l\u00f6gum er ekki fylgt \u00feannig eftir a\u00f0 l\u00f6greglan banki upp \u00e1 \u00ed t\u00edma og \u00f3t\u00edma. L\u00f6g gegna nefnilega a\u00f0 verulegu leyti \u00fev\u00ed hlutverki a\u00f0 m\u00f3ta vi\u00f0horf og sta\u00f0festa \u00feau. Bara \u00fea\u00f0 a\u00f0 barsm\u00ed\u00f0ar s\u00e9u \u00f3l\u00f6glegar kemur ekki \u00ed veg fyrir \u00fe\u00e6r en \u00feegar s\u00fa sko\u00f0un er almenn a\u00f0 l\u00edkamsmei\u00f0ingar s\u00e9u si\u00f0lausar, \u00fe\u00e1 f\u00e6kkar \u00feeim sem l\u00e1ta hnefa skipta til a\u00f0 f\u00e1 s\u00ednu framgengt. \u00dea\u00f0 er l\u00edka st\u00f3rmerkilegt me\u00f0 l\u00f6gin a\u00f0 \u00feau hafa \u00e1hrif \u00e1 sko\u00f0anir, jafnvel \u00fe\u00f3tt refsingum s\u00e9 ekki beitt. \u00deetta s\u00e9st t.d. gl\u00f6gglega \u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed hvernig afsta\u00f0a til reykinga hefur \u00fer\u00f3ast \u00e1 s\u00ed\u00f0ustu 25 \u00e1rum. \u00c9g veit ekki til a\u00f0 nokkrum manni hafi veri\u00f0 refsa\u00f0 fyrir reykingar en \u00ed dag reykir f\u00f3lk einfaldlega ekki \u00e1 opinberum st\u00f6\u00f0um og \u00fea\u00f0 \u00feykir hinn argasti d\u00f3naskapur a\u00f0 kveikja \u00ed s\u00edgarettu inni \u00e1 heimilum annarra nema hafa til \u00feess leyfi h\u00fasr\u00e1\u00f0anda.<\/p>\n

Barnal\u00f6gin banna n\u00fa \u00feegar ofbeldi. \u00dea\u00f0 eina sem \u00fearf a\u00f0 gera til a\u00f0 draga \u00far \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 varnarlaus b\u00f6rn \u00feurfi a\u00f0 b\u00faa vi\u00f0 sl\u00edkan \u00f3f\u00f6gnu\u00f0 sem reykingar eru, er a\u00f0 skilgreina \u00fevinga\u00f0ar [\u00f3beinar] reykingar, sem ‘gr\u00f3ft ofbeldi og tilefnislausa \u00e1r\u00e1s gegn l\u00edfi og l\u00edkama’ sem \u00fe\u00e6r og eru.<\/p>\n

\u00dea\u00f0 er nokku\u00f0 kaldh\u00e6\u00f0nislegt a\u00f0 Al\u00feingi sem bannar f\u00f3lki a\u00f0 beita refsingum \u00ed uppeldisskyni, skuli samt sem \u00e1\u00f0ur leggja blessun s\u00edna yfir \u00fea\u00f0 a\u00f0 barni s\u00e9 l\u00f3ga\u00f0 \u00ed m\u00f3\u00f0urkvi\u00f0i ef l\u00edkur eru \u00e1 a\u00f0 tilvist \u00feess muni trufla framt\u00ed\u00f0arpl\u00f6n m\u00f3\u00f0urinnar (e\u00f0a ergja \u00fe\u00e1 a\u00f0standendur hennar sem sj\u00e1 fyrir s\u00e9r a\u00f0 \u00feurfa kannski a\u00f0 hlaupa undir bagga) og s\u00e6tta sig vi\u00f0 a\u00f0 eiturefnum sem valda l\u00edfsh\u00e6ttulegum sj\u00fakd\u00f3mum s\u00e9 \u00fer\u00f6ngva\u00f0 ni\u00f0ur \u00ed lungu barna \u00e1 heimilinum \u00feeirra. Samt finnst m\u00e9r \u00edr\u00f3n\u00edan n\u00e1 h\u00e1marki \u00ed \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00ed l\u00f6gum sem banna refsingar skuli vera refsi\u00e1kv\u00e6\u00f0i til a\u00f0 tryggja a\u00f0 l\u00f6gum gegn refsingum s\u00e9 fylgt eftir. \u00dea\u00f0 ku v\u00edst ekki teljast ‘ill me\u00f0fer\u00f0’ \u00feegar r\u00edki\u00f0 tekur a\u00f0 s\u00e9r a\u00f0 refsa f\u00f3lki, enda \u00fe\u00f3tt \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 fullkomlega gagnslaust til annars en \u00feess a\u00f0 n\u00e1 fram hefnd. Hr\u00e6sni forr\u00e6\u00f0ishyggjunnar \u00e1 s\u00e9r engin takm\u00f6rk.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Fyrir nokkrum \u00e1rum bj\u00f3 \u00e9g \u00ed fj\u00f6lb\u00fdlish\u00fasi og \u00e1 h\u00e6\u00f0inni fyrir ofan mig bj\u00f3 ma\u00f0ur sem nota\u00f0i h\u00e1v\u00e6r \u00f6skur sem uppeldisa\u00f0fer\u00f0. Varla lei\u00f0 dagur \u00e1n \u00feess a\u00f0 fa\u00f0irinn \u00f6skra\u00f0i og barni\u00f0 gr\u00e9ti og hef\u00f0i \u00feurft verulega skerta heyrn til a\u00f0 … Halda \u00e1fram a\u00f0 lesa →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[15,1],"tags":[720],"class_list":["post-5158","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-andof-og-yfirvald","category-pistlar","tag-fangelsismal"],"yoast_head":"\nRefsarinn skal s\u00e6ta refsingu - Pistlar Evu<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/pistlar\/refsarinn-skal-saeta-refsingu\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"is_IS\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Refsarinn skal s\u00e6ta refsingu - Pistlar Evu\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Fyrir nokkrum \u00e1rum bj\u00f3 \u00e9g \u00ed fj\u00f6lb\u00fdlish\u00fasi og \u00e1 h\u00e6\u00f0inni fyrir ofan mig bj\u00f3 ma\u00f0ur sem nota\u00f0i h\u00e1v\u00e6r \u00f6skur sem uppeldisa\u00f0fer\u00f0. 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