{"id":3640,"date":"2020-05-14T12:19:44","date_gmt":"2020-05-14T12:19:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/?p=3640"},"modified":"2020-05-15T22:34:12","modified_gmt":"2020-05-15T22:34:12","slug":"mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\/","title":{"rendered":"M\u00e9r var sagt a\u00f0 umgengnisforeldri g\u00e6ti ekki t\u00e1lma\u00f0 umgengni"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>\u00deegar Stella \u00a0sleit samvistum vi\u00f0 eiginmann sinn 2014, taldi h\u00fan a\u00f0 skilna\u00f0ur myndi \u00fe\u00fd\u00f0a a\u00f0 bjartari t\u00edmar v\u00e6ru framundan. \u00dea\u00f0\u00a0 hvarfla\u00f0i ekki a\u00f0 henni a\u00f0 h\u00fan \u00e6tti fyrir h\u00f6ndum margra \u00e1ra bar\u00e1ttu vi\u00f0 kerfi\u00f0 og \u00fev\u00ed s\u00ed\u00f0ur a\u00f0 d\u00f3ttir hennar hyrfi algerlega \u00far l\u00edfi hennar.<\/p>\n

Stella hefur n\u00fa ekki umgengist d\u00f3ttur s\u00edna e\u00f0lilega fr\u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed \u00ed jan\u00faar 2018 og ekki s\u00e9\u00f0 hana s\u00ed\u00f0an \u00ed okt\u00f3ber 2018. Stella sag\u00f0i Kvennabla\u00f0inu s\u00f6gu s\u00edna en d\u00f3ttur sinnar vegna vill h\u00fan ekki koma fram undir r\u00e9ttu nafni.<\/p>\n

H\u00e9lt fyrst a\u00f0 erfi\u00f0leikarnir v\u00e6ru t\u00edmabundnir<\/h2>\n

\u00deegar \u00fe\u00fa skilur vi\u00f0 barnsf\u00f6\u00f0ur \u00feinn, \u00e1ri\u00f0 2014, var \u00fe\u00e1 \u00e1greiningur um umgengi fr\u00e1 upphafi e\u00f0a komu \u00feau vandam\u00e1l til s\u00ed\u00f0ar?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Fa\u00f0irinn var \u00e1 sj\u00f3 og vi\u00f0 vorum fr\u00e1 upphafi samm\u00e1la um a\u00f0 forsj\u00e1 yr\u00f0i sameiginleg og l\u00f6gheimili\u00f0 hj\u00e1 m\u00e9r.\u00a0 \u00dea\u00f0 h\u00f6f\u00f0u veri\u00f0 erfi\u00f0leikar \u00ed hj\u00f3nabandinu vegna stj\u00f3rnunar\u00e1r\u00e1ttu mannsins, einstrengislegra vi\u00f0horfa hans og framkomu vi\u00f0 mig og b\u00f6rnin. Hann ba\u00f0 flj\u00f3tlega um a\u00f0 s\u00fdsluma\u00f0ur myndi \u00farskur\u00f0a um me\u00f0lag og vi\u00f0 t\u00f6lu\u00f0um a\u00f0allega saman \u00ed gegnum l\u00f6gfr\u00e6\u00f0inga en \u00e9g h\u00e9lt samt a\u00f0 \u00feegar v\u00e6ri komin ni\u00f0ursta\u00f0a um umgengni, me\u00f0lag og anna\u00f0, \u00fe\u00e1 myndu samskipti okkar beggja og barnanna falla \u00ed e\u00f0lilegar skor\u00f0ur.<\/p>\n

Sonur okkar segir \u00ed dag a\u00f0 s\u00e9r finnist \u00f3e\u00f0lilegt a\u00f0 leggja \u00fe\u00e1 \u00e1byrg\u00f0 \u00e1 15 \u00e1ra b\u00f6rn a\u00f0 r\u00e1\u00f0a \u00fev\u00ed hvernig umgengni er h\u00e1tta\u00f0.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Vi\u00f0 eigum tv\u00f6 b\u00f6rn saman og \u00e9g \u00e1tti einn str\u00e1k str\u00e1k fyrir. \u00dea\u00f0 er yngsta barni\u00f0, st\u00falka f\u00e6dd 2006, sem styrinn stendur um n\u00fana. Sonur okkar var \u00ed 10. bekk \u00feegar vi\u00f0 skildum og skv. \u00farskur\u00f0i s\u00fdslumanns var tali\u00f0 e\u00f0lilegt a\u00f0 hann m\u00e6tti bara r\u00e1\u00f0a umgengninni sj\u00e1lfur. Sonur okkar segir \u00ed dag a\u00f0 s\u00e9r finnist \u00f3e\u00f0lilegt a\u00f0 leggja \u00fe\u00e1 \u00e1byrg\u00f0 \u00e1 15 \u00e1ra b\u00f6rn og veltir fyrir s\u00e9r af hverju \u00fea\u00f0 teljist vera e\u00f0lilegt, s\u00e9rstaklega \u00feegar b\u00f6rn taka upp \u00e1 a\u00f0 vilja ekki vera \u00ed samskiptum vi\u00f0 anna\u00f0 foreldri\u00f0.<\/p>\n

\u00deannig a\u00f0 \u00feau b\u00faa b\u00e6\u00f0i hj\u00e1 \u00fe\u00e9r til a\u00f0 byrja me\u00f0, en hvernig var umgengni vi\u00f0 f\u00f6\u00f0ur \u00feeirra \u00fe\u00e1 h\u00e1tta\u00f0?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sonur okkar f\u00f3r n\u00fa ekki til f\u00f6\u00f0ur s\u00edns nema nokkrum sinnum ne\u00f0an skilna\u00f0arferli\u00f0 var \u00ed gangi. Samkv\u00e6mt s\u00fdslumanns\u00farskur\u00f0i \u00e1tti d\u00f3ttir okkar a\u00f0 vera hj\u00e1 f\u00f6\u00f0ur a\u00f0ra hverja viku fr\u00e1 fimmtudegi til m\u00e1nudags, sumarfr\u00edum skipt jafnt og eins skipst \u00e1 um j\u00f3l og \u00e1ram\u00f3t.\u00a0 \u00dear sem fa\u00f0irinn \u00a0var \u00e1 sj\u00f3 \u00fe\u00e1 var\u00f0 raunveruleg umgengni minni en \u00farskur\u00f0urinn hlj\u00f3\u00f0a\u00f0i upp \u00e1.<\/p>\n

\u00de\u00fa segir a\u00f0 drengurinn hafi ekki fari\u00f0 til pabba s\u00edns nema \u00ed nokkur skipti eftir skilna\u00f0inn, hvernig st\u00f3\u00f0 \u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00dea\u00f0 haf\u00f0i gengi\u00f0 \u00e1 \u00fdmsu \u00e1\u00f0ur en vi\u00f0 skildum. Fa\u00f0irinn var \u00f3e\u00f0lilega har\u00f0ur vi\u00f0 elsta son minn, sem \u00e9g \u00e1tti fyrir, og kom fyrir a\u00f0 hann beitti hann ofbeldi og ofr\u00edki. Sonur okkar haf\u00f0i horft upp \u00e1 \u00fea\u00f0 og fannst fa\u00f0ir sinn koma illa fram vi\u00f0 br\u00f3\u00f0urinn.<\/p>\n

\u00deegar \u00e1 \u00feessu skilna\u00f0arferli stendur \u00fe\u00e1 s\u00e1rnar syni okkar \u00fea\u00f0 l\u00edka hva\u00f0 fa\u00f0ir hans talar illa um mig vi\u00f0 hann.\u00a0 Fa\u00f0irinn h\u00e6\u00f0ist a\u00f0 m\u00e9r fyrir a\u00f0 hafa ekki s\u00f6mu fj\u00e1rr\u00e1\u00f0 og hann. Hann h\u00e6\u00f0ist a\u00f0 drengnum fyrir a\u00f0 vir\u00f0a sj\u00e1lfsag\u00f0ar reglur eins og t.d. a\u00f0 l\u00e1ta vita af s\u00e9r ef hann k\u00e6mi ekki heim \u00e1 \u00feeim t\u00edma sem \u00e9g \u00e1tti von \u00e1 honum. Sonur okkar var\u00f0 einnig vitni a\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed \u00feegar fa\u00f0ir hans kom heim til okkar \u2013 a\u00f0 skila d\u00f3ttur okkar \u00far umgengni \u2013 og \u00f6skra\u00f0i \u00e1 mig. Einnig var l\u00f6greglan k\u00f6llu\u00f0 \u00ferisvar sinnum a\u00f0 heimili okkar \u00e1 \u00feessum t\u00edma \u00feegar fa\u00f0irinn var a\u00f0 raska heimilisfri\u00f0i \u00e1 m\u00ednu heimili.<\/p>\n

Klippt \u00e1 samskipti m\u00f3\u00f0ur og d\u00f3ttur<\/h2>\n

Fa\u00f0irinn er \u00ed fyrstu minna me\u00f0 st\u00falkuna en \u00farskur\u00f0urinn ger\u00f0i r\u00e1\u00f0 fyrir, hvernig breyttist \u00fea\u00f0?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Vi\u00f0 bjuggum \u00fati \u00e1 landi en \u00e9g flyt svo su\u00f0ur um mitt \u00e1r 2015. \u00dear me\u00f0 eru forsendurnar fyrir umgengni fr\u00e1 fimmtudegi til m\u00e1nudags, a\u00f0ra hverja viku, \u00a0brostnar og \u00e9g vildi bara semja um umgengni sem henta\u00f0i sk\u00f3lag\u00f6ngu d\u00f3ttur okkar betur. \u00a0En \u00ed sta\u00f0 \u00feess a\u00f0 semja um anna\u00f0 fyrirkomulag \u00fe\u00e1 tekur ma\u00f0urinn d\u00f3ttur okkar \u00far sk\u00f3lanum fimmtudag og f\u00f6studag\u00a0 a\u00f0ra hverja viku \u2013 \u00feegar hann var \u00ed landi.<\/p>\n

En \u00ed sta\u00f0 \u00feess a\u00f0 semja um anna\u00f0 fyrirkomulag \u00fe\u00e1 tekur ma\u00f0urinn d\u00f3ttur okkar \u00far sk\u00f3lanum fimmtudag og f\u00f6studag\u00a0 a\u00f0ra hverja viku \u2013 \u00feegar hann var \u00ed landi.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Hann s\u00e1 ekki til \u00feess a\u00f0 st\u00falkan fylgdi sk\u00f3laf\u00e9l\u00f6gum s\u00ednum \u00ed n\u00e1minu. \u00dea\u00f0 var bara mitt m\u00e1l a\u00f0 l\u00e1ta hana vinna upp \u00fea\u00f0 sem h\u00fan missti \u00far. Einnig t\u00f3k hann barni\u00f0 \u00far sk\u00f3lanum um j\u00f3l \u00feannig a\u00f0 h\u00fan missir af j\u00f3laballi sk\u00f3lans tvenn j\u00f3l og hann leyf\u00f0i henni aldrei a\u00f0 taka \u00fe\u00e1tt \u00ed \u00ed\u00fer\u00f3ttakeppnum e\u00f0a gistin\u00f3ttum \u00feegar hans helgi var. Hann f\u00f3r l\u00edka a\u00f0 skemma fyrir henni \u00feegar h\u00fan t\u00f3k \u00fe\u00e1tt \u00ed t\u00f3mstundum sem hann taldi vera \u201em\u00ednar\u201c t\u00f3mstundir og eitra hug hennar gagnvart \u00feeim \u00e1hugam\u00e1lum. Svona atri\u00f0i valda spennu inni \u00e1 heimilinu.<\/p>\n

Svo var\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 \u00far a\u00f0 fa\u00f0irinn flytur \u00ed sama b\u00e6jarf\u00e9lag og vi\u00f0 og \u00fe\u00e1 fer ma\u00f0urinn a\u00f0 birtast \u00ed sk\u00f3lanum \u00e1 sk\u00f3lat\u00edma \u00feegar honum hentar og taka d\u00f3ttur okkar \u00e1n \u00feess a\u00f0 l\u00e1ta mig vita, e\u00f0a l\u00e1ta mig vita eftir\u00e1. \u00dea\u00f0 kom fyrir a\u00f0 hann t\u00f3k hana me\u00f0 s\u00e9r nor\u00f0ur yfir helgi \u00feegar h\u00fan \u00e1tti a\u00f0 vera hj\u00e1 m\u00e9r, \u00e1n samr\u00e1\u00f0s vi\u00f0 mig. Au\u00f0vita\u00f0 var \u00e9g ekkert s\u00e1tt vi\u00f0 \u00feessa framkomu.<\/p>\n

N\u00fdr umgengnis\u00farskur\u00f0ur kemur vori\u00f0 2016 og samkv\u00e6mt honum \u00e1tti fa\u00f0irinn a\u00f0 f\u00e1 umgengni a\u00f0ra hverja helgi, \u00f6ll vetrarfr\u00ed og p\u00e1skaleyfi. Ma\u00f0urinn s\u00fdnir engan s\u00e1ttavilja, \u00e1fr\u00fdjar \u00f6llum \u00farskur\u00f0um til Innanr\u00edkisr\u00e1\u00f0uneytisins og h\u00f6f\u00f0ar svo forsj\u00e1rm\u00e1l hausti\u00f0 2017.<\/p>\n

D\u00f3ttir okkar kemur svo ekki heim eftir umgengni um \u00e1ram\u00f3tin 2017\/2018.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Eftir a\u00f0 forsj\u00e1rm\u00e1li\u00f0 h\u00f3fst \u00fe\u00e1 versna\u00f0i heg\u00f0un hans gagnvart umgengnissamningi s\u00fdslumanns og hann virtist leika s\u00e9r a\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 brj\u00f3ta hann, enda engin vi\u00f0url\u00f6g vi\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed. \u00c9g f\u00e6 loks l\u00f6gskilna\u00f0 \u00ed n\u00f3vember 2017, eftir \u00ferj\u00fa \u00e1r, og \u00ed byrjun desember 2017 er hann b\u00fainn a\u00f0 skr\u00e1 sig \u00ed samb\u00fa\u00f0. D\u00f3ttir okkar kemur svo ekki heim eftir umgengni um \u00e1ram\u00f3tin 2017\/2018.<\/p>\n

Samb\u00fdliskona hans hefur enn \u00ed dag ekki hitt mig, n\u00e9 syni okkar og h\u00fan vir\u00f0ist hafa teki\u00f0 virkan \u00fe\u00e1tt \u00ed a\u00f0 skila d\u00f3ttur minni ekki heim. Fa\u00f0irinn er enn \u00e1 sj\u00f3 og \u00fe\u00e1 er d\u00f3ttir m\u00edn langdv\u00f6lum \u00ed umsj\u00e1 \u00feessarar \u00f3kunnugu konu.<\/p>\n

Hva\u00f0a sk\u00fdringar f\u00e9kkstu \u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed \u00feegar d\u00f3ttir \u00fe\u00edn kom ekki heim eftir \u00e1ram\u00f3tin?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Bara \u00fe\u00e1 a\u00f0 h\u00fan vildi ekki koma heim \u00fev\u00ed \u00e9g v\u00e6ri svo vond vi\u00f0 hana og v\u00e6ri alltaf a\u00f0 skamma hana. \u00deetta kom m\u00e9r algerlega \u00ed opna skj\u00f6ldu \u00fev\u00ed d\u00f3ttir m\u00edn haf\u00f0i l\u00e1ti\u00f0 mj\u00f6g sk\u00fdrt \u00ed lj\u00f3s \u00ed vi\u00f0t\u00f6lum hj\u00e1 fagf\u00f3lki vegna forsj\u00e1rm\u00e1lsins, a\u00f0 h\u00fan vildi jafna umgengni vi\u00f0 mig og f\u00f6\u00f0ur sinn. S\u00fa sk\u00fdrsla kom \u00fat \u00ed desember 2017. \u00dea\u00f0 er eins og \u00feessi ni\u00f0ursta\u00f0a hafi ekki henta\u00f0 f\u00f6\u00f0urnum sem r\u00e6nir barninu nokkrum d\u00f6gum seinna.<\/p>\n

\u00deetta vi\u00f0horf hennar s\u00fdst ekki einv\u00f6r\u00f0ungu um \u00a0mig, st\u00falkan vill heldur ekki tala vi\u00f0 br\u00e6\u00f0ur s\u00edna e\u00f0a neinn annan \u00ed fj\u00f6lskyldunni\u00a0 minni, hvorki afa sinn e\u00f0a \u00f6mmu e\u00f0a fr\u00e6nkur s\u00ednar sem eru \u00e1 sama aldri og h\u00fan. \u00c9g tr\u00fai ekki a\u00f0 h\u00fan hafi teki\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 upp hj\u00e1 sj\u00e1lfri s\u00e9r.<\/p>\n

Reyndir\u00f0u a\u00f0 tala vi\u00f0 st\u00falkuna og f\u00e1 hana heim?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00deegar \u00e9g reyndi a\u00f0 hringja var skellt \u00e1. \u00c9g gat ekki s\u00e9\u00f0 hana \u00e1 Facebook og ekki sent henni t\u00f6lvup\u00f3st og \u00feannig hefur \u00feetta veri\u00f0 s\u00ed\u00f0an. \u00dea\u00f0 var klippt \u00e1 allar samskiptalei\u00f0ir.<\/p>\n

Fa\u00f0ir hennar r\u00e6ndi henni ekki bara \u00feessi \u00e1ram\u00f3t, heldur h\u00e6ttir h\u00fan l\u00edka a\u00f0 m\u00e6ta \u00ed sk\u00f3lann. D\u00f3ttir m\u00edn var \u00fev\u00ed einangru\u00f0 \u00ed r\u00fama \u00ferj\u00e1 m\u00e1nu\u00f0i fr\u00e1 m\u00e9r, br\u00e6\u00f0rum s\u00ednum, minni fj\u00f6lskyldu, vinum, kennurum og \u00f6llum sem \u00feekktu hana vel.<\/p>\n

Kerfi\u00f0 \u00farr\u00e6\u00f0alaust<\/h2>\n

Hvert er h\u00e6gt a\u00f0 leita \u00ed svona a\u00f0st\u00f6\u00f0u?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00c9g sneri m\u00e9r til barnaverndarnefndar. \u00a0M\u00e1li\u00f0 var \u00feegar hj\u00e1 barnaverndarnefnd \u00ed m\u00ednu b\u00e6jarf\u00e9lagi en fa\u00f0irinn var fluttur \u00ed n\u00e6rliggjandi b\u00e6jarf\u00e9lag. H\u00fan kom heim eina viku \u00ed jan\u00faar og var \u00fe\u00e1 fyrst eins og \u00e1 var\u00f0bergi gagnvart okkur en f\u00f3r svo a\u00f0 slaka \u00e1 og \u00e9g vona\u00f0i a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 yr\u00f0u ekki frekari vandr\u00e6\u00f0i. Svo fer h\u00fan aftur til f\u00f6\u00f0ur s\u00edns og kom ekkert heim eftir \u00fea\u00f0. Og ekkert h\u00e6gt a\u00f0 gera \u00ed \u00fev\u00ed.<\/p>\n

M\u00e9r var sagt a\u00f0 umgengnisforeldri g\u00e6ti ekki t\u00e1lma\u00f0 umgengni. \u00dea\u00f0 er eins og kerfi\u00f0 geri r\u00e1\u00f0 fyrir \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 bara vonda l\u00f6gheimilismamman sem geti komi\u00f0 \u00ed veg fyrir samskipi.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

S\u00fdsluma\u00f0ur, barnavernd og d\u00f3mst\u00f3lar eru \u00farr\u00e6\u00f0alaus \u00feegar svona m\u00e1l koma upp. \u00c9g velti alveg fyrir m\u00e9r ney\u00f0ar\u00farr\u00e6\u00f0um eins og a\u00f0 f\u00e1 a\u00f0sto\u00f0 barnaverndar og l\u00f6greglu til a\u00f0 s\u00e6kja hana. Ma\u00f0ur vill au\u00f0vita\u00f0 komast hj\u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed en \u00e9g spur\u00f0i \u00fat \u00ed \u00fea\u00f0. M\u00e9r var sagt a\u00f0 umgengnisforeldri g\u00e6ti ekki t\u00e1lma\u00f0 umgengni. \u00dea\u00f0 er eins og kerfi\u00f0 geri r\u00e1\u00f0 fyrir \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 bara vonda l\u00f6gheimilismamman sem geti komi\u00f0 \u00ed veg fyrir samskipi.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

F\u00f3lk vill tr\u00faa a\u00f0 kerfin virki og margir eiga erfitt me\u00f0 a\u00f0 skilja hva\u00f0 er a\u00f0 gerast \u00ed m\u00ednu m\u00e1li. \u00dea\u00f0 b\u00e6tir ekkert hva\u00f0 bi\u00f0in eftir lausnum hj\u00e1 s\u00fdslumanni er l\u00f6ng og mj\u00f6g sl\u00e6mt a\u00f0 \u00feegar t\u00e1lmanir byrja \u00fe\u00e1 skuli ekki vera h\u00e6gt a\u00f0 gr\u00edpa inn \u00ed strax. \u00a0\u00dea\u00f0 er h\u00e6gt a\u00f0 vera me\u00f0 m\u00e1l hangandi \u00ed kerfinu m\u00e1nu\u00f0um og \u00e1rum saman \u2013 hj\u00e1 s\u00fdslumanni og d\u00f3mst\u00f3lum \u2013 og \u00fea\u00f0 er ekki unni\u00f0 a\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 laga samskipti vi\u00f0 b\u00f6rnin me\u00f0an be\u00f0i\u00f0 er.<\/p>\n

Fa\u00f0irinn vi\u00f0urkenndi a\u00f0 hafa sagt d\u00f3ttur okkar inntak samkomulagsins sj\u00e1lfur og sag\u00f0i a\u00f0 h\u00fan hef\u00f0i fari\u00f0 a\u00f0 gr\u00e1ta og hringt sj\u00e1lf \u00ed ney\u00f0arl\u00ednuna<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u00cd febr\u00faar 2018 er svo gert br\u00e1\u00f0abirg\u00f0asamkomulag um umgengni fyrir d\u00f3mi en fa\u00f0irinn st\u00f3\u00f0 aldrei vi\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 samkomulag. \u00de\u00e1 er d\u00f3ttir okkar 11 \u00e1ra a\u00f0 ver\u00f0a 12 \u00e1ra. Vi\u00f0 foreldrarnir sam\u00feykktum l\u00edka a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 myndum hittast \u00f6ll saman \u00e1samt d\u00f3ttur okkar og l\u00f6gfr\u00e6\u00f0ingum og kynna d\u00f3ttur okkar \u00feetta fyrirkomulag \u00ed sameiningu. En \u00fea\u00f0 st\u00f3\u00f0 fa\u00f0irinn ekki vi\u00f0. \u00deegar s\u00e1 fundur \u00e1tti a\u00f0 fara fram kom h\u00fan ekki me\u00f0 honum. \u00c1 fundinum vi\u00f0urkenndi hann svo a\u00f0\u00a0 hafa sagt d\u00f3ttur okkar inntak samkomulagsins sj\u00e1lfur og sag\u00f0i a\u00f0 h\u00fan hef\u00f0i fari\u00f0 a\u00f0 gr\u00e1ta og hringt sj\u00e1lf \u00ed ney\u00f0arl\u00ednuna. \u00deannig a\u00f0 fa\u00f0irinn setur \u00feetta samkomulag okkar \u00a0\u00ed uppn\u00e1m \u00e1n \u00feess a\u00f0 hafi reynt \u00e1 \u00fea\u00f0. Hann vi\u00f0urkenndi l\u00edka a\u00f0 hafa lesi\u00f0 t\u00f6lvup\u00f3sta milli l\u00f6gmanna okkar fyrir d\u00f3ttur okkar, sem var a\u00f0 ver\u00f0a 12 \u00e1ra.<\/p>\n

Heldur\u00f0u a\u00f0 h\u00fan hafi \u00ed alv\u00f6ru hringt \u00ed ney\u00f0arl\u00ednuna?<\/strong><\/p>\n

H\u00fan ger\u00f0i \u00fea\u00f0 en \u00e9g tr\u00fai ekki a\u00f0 henni hafi dotti\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 \u00ed hug sj\u00e1lfri. \u00dea\u00f0 er til sk\u00fdrsla fr\u00e1 ney\u00f0arl\u00ednunni og \u00fear kemur fram a\u00f0 h\u00fan s\u00e9 gr\u00e1tandi og vilji ekki fara \u00ed sk\u00f3lann \u00fev\u00ed h\u00fan s\u00e9 hr\u00e6dd um a\u00f0 mamma s\u00edn s\u00e6ki sig.<\/p>\n

En \u00fea\u00f0 kemur l\u00edka fram \u00ed sk\u00fdrslunni a\u00f0 starfsma\u00f0ur ney\u00f0arl\u00ednunnar r\u00e6ddi l\u00edka vi\u00f0 f\u00f6\u00f0urinn \u00ed sama s\u00edmtali sem bendir til a\u00f0 hann hafi veri\u00f0 \u00e1 sta\u00f0num allt s\u00edmtali\u00f0 og fylgst me\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed sem d\u00f3ttir okkar sag\u00f0i.<\/p>\n

Hva\u00f0a barn hringir \u00ed ney\u00f0arl\u00ednuna me\u00f0 svona erindi af eigin frumkv\u00e6\u00f0i?<\/p>\n

\u00dearna segist h\u00fan ekki vilja fara \u00ed sk\u00f3lann og hefur \u00fe\u00e1 veri\u00f0 fr\u00e1 sk\u00f3la \u00ed einhverjar vikur, hvernig f\u00f3r \u00fea\u00f0?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00cd mars er m\u00e1l okkar komi\u00f0 til barnaverndar \u00fev\u00ed barni\u00f0 var ekki a\u00f0 m\u00e6ta \u00ed sk\u00f3la.\u00a0 Barnavernd leggur til \u00e1\u00e6tlun \u00ed m\u00e1linu \u00fear sem stefnt var a\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 d\u00f3ttir okkar f\u00e6ri \u00ed sk\u00f3la \u00ed b\u00e6jarf\u00e9lagi f\u00f6\u00f0ur, a\u00f0 komi\u00f0 yr\u00f0i \u00e1 samskiptum milli m\u00edn og d\u00f3ttur minnar me\u00f0 fj\u00f6lskyldur\u00e1\u00f0gjafa, a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 foreldrarnir m\u00e6ttum \u00ed vi\u00f0t\u00f6l til barnaverndarstarfsmanns og a\u00f0 fa\u00f0irinn f\u00e6ri \u00ed vi\u00f0t\u00f6l hj\u00e1 Heimilisfri\u00f0i. Barni\u00f0 yr\u00f0i svo \u00ed jafnri umgengni vi\u00f0 okkur foreldrana. Vi\u00f0 skrifu\u00f0um b\u00e6\u00f0i undir og \u00e9g vona\u00f0i svo heitt og innilega a\u00f0 \u00feetta fyrirkomulag myndi ganga upp og \u00e9g f\u00e6ri a\u00f0 f\u00e1 a\u00f0 hitta d\u00f3ttur m\u00edna aftur.<\/p>\n

\u00dearna er forsj\u00e1rm\u00e1l komi\u00f0 \u00ed gang og \u00e9g \u00fatiloku\u00f0 fr\u00e1 samskiptum vi\u00f0 d\u00f3ttur m\u00edna. Hann kom henni \u00e1 endanum \u00ed sk\u00f3la eftir meira en tveggja m\u00e1na\u00f0a fjarveru og \u00e9g haf\u00f0i samband vi\u00f0 sk\u00f3lann. \u00c9g f\u00f3r ekki \u00fe\u00e1 lei\u00f0 a\u00f0 birtast \u00e1 sk\u00f3lal\u00f3\u00f0inni heldur ger\u00f0i \u00e9g bo\u00f0 \u00e1 undan m\u00e9r og r\u00e6ddi vi\u00f0 kennara og sk\u00f3lastj\u00f3ra. \u00c9g hef algerlega fari\u00f0 eftir \u00feeirra tilm\u00e6lum eins og kemur fram \u00ed g\u00f6gnum m\u00e1lsins en \u00feetta var eina lei\u00f0in sem \u00e9g s\u00e1.<\/p>\n

\u00dearna um vori\u00f0 2018 stendur d\u00f3msm\u00e1l fyrir dyrum og \u00e9g f\u00f3r fram \u00e1 forsj\u00e1rh\u00e6fnimat. Ni\u00f0ursta\u00f0an \u00far \u00fev\u00ed er \u00ed stuttu m\u00e1li s\u00fa a\u00f0 \u00e9g er h\u00e6ft foreldri og ekkert var sett \u00fat \u00e1 mig. \u00dea\u00f0 var sett miki\u00f0 \u00fat \u00e1 f\u00f6\u00f0ur, m.a. fyrir a\u00f0 setja d\u00f3ttur okkar \u00ed hollustuklemmu og l\u00e1ta hana \u00feurfa a\u00f0\u00a0 velja \u00e1 milli foreldra.<\/p>\n

\n

Tilraun til a\u00f0 koma \u00e1 samskiptum<\/h2>\n

\u00deannig a\u00f0 samkomulag um umgengni gekk ekki eftir, hva\u00f0 lei\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e1 langur t\u00edmi \u00fear til \u00fe\u00fa hittir barni\u00f0?<\/strong><\/p>\n

D\u00f3murinn var \u00ed september 2018 og \u00fe\u00e1 haf\u00f0i \u00e9g ekki hitt d\u00f3ttur m\u00edna \u00ed n\u00edu m\u00e1nu\u00f0i. Vi\u00f0 gerum d\u00f3ms\u00e1tt en \u00e9g hef alltaf lagt \u00e1herslu \u00e1 s\u00e6ttir. Samkv\u00e6mt \u00feeirri d\u00f3ms\u00e1tt \u00e1ttum \u00e9g og d\u00f3ttir m\u00edn a\u00f0 f\u00e1 a\u00f0sto\u00f0 fr\u00e1 listme\u00f0fer\u00f0arfr\u00e6\u00f0ingi til \u00a0a\u00f0 koma \u00e1 e\u00f0lilegum samskiptum. \u00dea\u00f0 var a\u00f0 \u00f3sk f\u00f6\u00f0ur sem listme\u00f0fer\u00f0arfr\u00e6\u00f0ingur var fenginn. D\u00f3ttir okkar \u00e1tti svo a\u00f0 hafa l\u00f6gheimili hj\u00e1 honum og jafna umgengni vi\u00f0 okkur, viku og viku \u00ed senn \u201eenda standi vilji barnsins til \u00feess\u201c. \u00c9g skildi \u00feessa klausu \u00feannig a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 v\u00e6ri vi\u00f0urkennt a\u00f0 \u00feetta v\u00e6ri vilji barnsins enda vissi \u00e9g a\u00f0 s\u00fa afsta\u00f0a hennar a\u00f0 vilja engin samskipti v\u00e6ri ekki fr\u00e1 henni\u00a0komin.<\/p>\n

\u00c9g hitti d\u00f3ttur m\u00edna svo eftir allan \u00feennan t\u00edma \u00ed okt\u00f3ber 2018. Vi\u00f0 hittumst tvisvar me\u00f0 listme\u00f0fer\u00f0arfr\u00e6\u00f0ingnum og \u00fea\u00f0 gekk betur en \u00e9g haf\u00f0i \u00feora\u00f0 a\u00f0 vona. \u00cd\u00a0\u00feri\u00f0ja skipti\u00f0 \u00e1tti st\u00falkan a\u00f0 koma me\u00f0 listme\u00f0fer\u00f0arfr\u00e6\u00f0ingnum heim til m\u00edn og h\u00fan haf\u00f0i vilja\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Nokkru \u00e1\u00f0ur en h\u00fan \u00e1tti a\u00f0 koma til m\u00edn f\u00f3r fa\u00f0irinn st\u00f6\u00f0ugt a\u00f0 senda t\u00f6lvup\u00f3sta og skipa m\u00e9r a\u00f0 afhenda hluti, b\u00e6\u00f0i d\u00f3t sem st\u00falkan \u00e1tti og hluti \u00ed minni eigu.\u00a0\u00c9g f\u00e9kk r\u00e1\u00f0leggingar um a\u00f0 svara \u00feessu ekki. Listme\u00f0fer\u00f0arfr\u00e6\u00f0ingurinnn hefur svo samband og segir m\u00e9r d\u00f3ttir m\u00edn hafi komi\u00f0 til s\u00edn og sagt h\u00fan vildi aldrei hitta mig aftur \u2013 af \u00fev\u00ed bara.<\/p>\n

D\u00f3ttir m\u00edn hefur sagt vi\u00f0 s\u00e1lfr\u00e6\u00f0ing a\u00f0 h\u00fan eigi engar g\u00f3\u00f0ar minningar um mig. Bara ekki eina einustu.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u00c9g f\u00e6 engar tr\u00faver\u00f0ugar sk\u00fdringar \u00e1 \u00feessu. D\u00f3ttir m\u00edn hefur sagt vi\u00f0 s\u00e1lfr\u00e6\u00f0ing a\u00f0 h\u00fan eigi engar g\u00f3\u00f0ar minningar um mig. Bara ekki eina einustu. \u00deetta stenst au\u00f0vita\u00f0 ekki. H\u00fan\u00a0bj\u00f3 hj\u00e1 m\u00e9r \u00ed t\u00e6p 12 \u00e1r og \u00fea\u00f0 tr\u00fair \u00fev\u00ed enginn sem til \u00feekkir a\u00f0 h\u00fan eigi engar g\u00f3\u00f0ar minningar fr\u00e1 bernskuheimili s\u00ednu. \u00dea\u00f0 er svona sem hollustuklemma virkar. \u00dea\u00f0 h\u00e6gt a\u00f0 rugla b\u00f6rn svo \u00ed r\u00edminu a\u00f0 \u00feau for\u00f0ist algerlega samskipti vi\u00f0 anna\u00f0 foreldri\u00f0.<\/p>\n

\u00deetta er \u00ed okt\u00f3ber 2018 og \u00e9g hef ekki s\u00e9\u00f0 d\u00f3ttur m\u00edna s\u00ed\u00f0an. H\u00fan \u00e1 a\u00f0 vera a\u00f0 fermast n\u00fana.<\/p>\n

\u00deannig a\u00f0 d\u00f3ms\u00e1ttin gagna\u00f0ist ekkert?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Nei. Fa\u00f0irinn hefur ekki sta\u00f0i\u00f0 vi\u00f0 d\u00f3ms\u00e1ttina frekar en anna\u00f0. Hann\u00a0ber fyrir sig a\u00f0 vilji barnsins standi ekki til \u00feess a\u00f0 fari\u00f0 s\u00e9 eftir henni \u2013 eins og \u00feessi klausa s\u00e9 hugsu\u00f0 \u00feannig a\u00f0 barni\u00f0 hafi neitunarvald. \u00c9g er \u00ed raun verr sett eftir \u00feessa d\u00f3ms\u00e1tt \u00fev\u00ed l\u00f6gheimili\u00f0 er komi\u00f0 til hans og hann reynir markvisst a\u00f0 ey\u00f0a m\u00e9r, br\u00e6\u00f0rum hennar og minni fj\u00f6lskyldu \u00far l\u00edfi d\u00f3ttur minnar og h\u00fan er l\u00e1tin segja a\u00f0 samb\u00fdliskona f\u00f6\u00f0ur s\u00e9 mamman og hennar fj\u00f6lskylda s\u00e9 s\u00edn fj\u00f6lskylda.<\/p>\n

\u00de\u00fa nefndir a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa hef\u00f0ir veri\u00f0 \u00ed samskiptum vi\u00f0 sk\u00f3lann, hefur eitthva\u00f0 komi\u00f0 \u00fat \u00far \u00fev\u00ed?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00c9g er \u00e1n\u00e6g\u00f0 me\u00f0 samskiptin vi\u00f0 sk\u00f3lann en \u00feau geta bara svo l\u00edti\u00f0 beitt s\u00e9r \u00ed svona m\u00e1lum. \u00c9g hef fari\u00f0 me\u00f0 afm\u00e6lis- og j\u00f3lagjafir \u00ed sk\u00f3lann, bara til a\u00f0 vera viss um a\u00f0 d\u00f3ttir m\u00edn viti af gj\u00f6funum. Kennarinn hefur l\u00e1ti\u00f0 hana vita af \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 h\u00fan \u00e6tti pakka fr\u00e1 m\u00e9r en d\u00f3ttir m\u00edn segist \u00feurfa a\u00f0 fara heim og \u201ehugsa m\u00e1li\u00f0\u201c. N\u00e6sta dag af\u00feakkar h\u00fan svo gjafirnar.<\/p>\n

\u00d3gn og \u00e1reitni<\/h2>\n

Samkv\u00e6mt g\u00f6gnum m\u00e1lsins l\u00edtur \u00fat fyrir a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 hafi \u00fdmislegt gengi\u00f0 \u00e1 eftir a\u00f0 \u00fei\u00f0 skildu\u00f0 og a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 hafi kannski ekki eing\u00f6ngu veri\u00f0 af h\u00e1lfu f\u00f6\u00f0urins. Fa\u00f0irinn talar um a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa hafir sent s\u00e9r fingurinn \u00feegar hann var a\u00f0 koma heim me\u00f0 barni\u00f0 og st\u00falkan segir a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa hafir tala\u00f0 illa um hann, klippt hann \u00fat af lj\u00f3smyndum og saka\u00f0 hana um a\u00f0 sv\u00edkja \u00feig \u00feegar h\u00fan vildi vera hj\u00e1 pabba s\u00ednum. Er \u00feetta r\u00e9tt?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Au\u00f0vita\u00f0 hef \u00e9g s\u00fdnt rei\u00f0i. \u00dea\u00f0 tekur \u00e1 allt venjulegt f\u00f3lk a\u00f0 b\u00faa vi\u00f0 st\u00f6\u00f0uga \u00e1reitni og \u00f3gnandi framkomu. Ma\u00f0urinn var ekki bara a\u00f0 hringja og ry\u00f0jast inn \u00e1 heimili\u00f0 \u00f3bo\u00f0inn og \u00f6skra heldur s\u00fdndi l\u00edka undarlega framkomu gagnvart syni okkar. Hann heilsa\u00f0i ekki syni s\u00ednum \u00feegar hann kom \u00a0\u00ed sk\u00f3lanum til a\u00f0 s\u00e6kja d\u00f3ttur okkar. Hann hefur ekki veri\u00f0 \u00ed neinum samskiptum vi\u00f0 elsta drenginn (sem \u00e9g \u00e1tti \u00e1\u00f0ur en vi\u00f0 kynntumst) og heldur ekki hinn drenginn, sem vi\u00f0 eigum b\u00e6\u00f0i l\u00edffr\u00e6\u00f0ilega en synir okkar vildu og reyndu \u00edtreka\u00f0 a\u00f0 hafa samskipti vi\u00f0 hann eftir skilna\u00f0.<\/p>\n

\u00cd nokkur skipti kom d\u00f3ttir m\u00edn ekki heim me\u00f0 flugv\u00e9linni sem h\u00fan \u00e1tti a\u00f0 koma heim me\u00f0. \u00c9g f\u00f3r \u00e1 flugv\u00f6llinn a\u00f0 s\u00e6kja hana en \u00fear var ekkert barn.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u00dea\u00f0 t\u00f3k l\u00edka \u00e1 \u00feegar hann t\u00f3k d\u00f3ttur okkar \u00far sk\u00f3la \u00e1n \u00feess a\u00f0 l\u00e1ta mig vita og \u00e9g var a\u00f0 leita a\u00f0 henni. \u00dea\u00f0 ger\u00f0ist \u00edtreka\u00f0. \u00a0\u00cd nokkur skipti kom d\u00f3ttir m\u00edn ekki heim me\u00f0 flugv\u00e9linni sem h\u00fan \u00e1tti a\u00f0 koma heim me\u00f0. \u00c9g f\u00f3r \u00e1 flugv\u00f6llinn a\u00f0 s\u00e6kja hana en \u00fear var ekkert barn. Starfsf\u00f3lk flugst\u00f6\u00f0varinnar fer a\u00f0 leita a\u00f0 henni, sko\u00f0a hvort h\u00fan hafi veri\u00f0 send me\u00f0 v\u00e9linni, \u00fe\u00e1 var sk\u00fdringin s\u00fa a\u00f0 fa\u00f0ir\u00ednn haf\u00f0i upp \u00e1 eigi\u00f0 eind\u00e6mi \u00e1kve\u00f0i\u00f0 a\u00f0 senda d\u00f3ttur okkar ekki heim, og ekkert a\u00f0 hafa fyrir \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 l\u00e1ta mig vita. N\u00e6sta dag komu h\u00f3tanir um a\u00f0 ef \u00e9g borga\u00f0i ekki flugfari\u00f0 fyrir d\u00f3ttur okkar heim \u00fe\u00e1 bara k\u00e6mi h\u00fan ekki.<\/p>\n

Barn \u00e1 au\u00f0vita\u00f0 aldrei a\u00f0 taka \u00e1byrg\u00f0 \u00e1 vanr\u00e6kslu f\u00f6\u00f0ur en \u00fea\u00f0 er enginn sem r\u00e1\u00f0leggur manni hvernig ma\u00f0ur \u00e1 a\u00f0 takast \u00e1 vi\u00f0 svona a\u00f0st\u00e6\u00f0ur.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u00dea\u00f0 er erfitt fyrir barn \u00feegar fa\u00f0ir \u00feess b\u00fdr til svona a\u00f0st\u00e6\u00f0ur og \u00fea\u00f0 ver\u00f0ur til \u00feess a\u00f0 allir eru \u00ed tilfinningalegu uppn\u00e1mi. \u00c9g sag\u00f0i d\u00f3ttur minni a\u00f0 \u00e9g hef\u00f0i veri\u00f0 a\u00f0 leita a\u00f0 henni og hef\u00f0i ekki vita\u00f0 hvar h\u00fan v\u00e6ri. Barn \u00e1 au\u00f0vita\u00f0 aldrei a\u00f0 taka \u00e1byrg\u00f0 \u00e1 vanr\u00e6kslu f\u00f6\u00f0ur en \u00fea\u00f0 er enginn sem r\u00e1\u00f0leggur manni hvernig ma\u00f0ur \u00e1 a\u00f0 takast \u00e1 vi\u00f0 svona a\u00f0st\u00e6\u00f0ur.<\/p>\n

M\u00e9r finnst undarlegt mi\u00f0a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 allt sem hefur gengi\u00f0 \u00e1 a\u00f0 \u00feessi atri\u00f0i \u00fear sem m\u00e9r hefur or\u00f0i\u00f0 eitthva\u00f0 \u00e1 s\u00e9u d\u00f3ttur minni minnist\u00e6\u00f0ust. \u00c9g \u00f3ttast a\u00f0 fa\u00f0ir hennar minni hana endalaust \u00e1 svona atvik eins og hann \u00fdti \u00e1 \u201ereplay\u201c.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Og \u00feetta me\u00f0 myndirnar \u2013 j\u00e1 \u00e9g klippti br\u00fa\u00f0kaupsmynd af okkur, eftir atvik \u00feegar hann haf\u00f0i \u00f6skra\u00f0 \u00e1 mig og son okkar og neita\u00f0 a\u00f0 taka vi\u00f0 j\u00f3lagj\u00f6f sem \u00e9g og drengurinn h\u00f6f\u00f0um keypt handa honum, a\u00f0rar myndir eru heilar. M\u00e9r finnst undarlegt mi\u00f0a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 allt sem hefur gengi\u00f0 \u00e1, \u00feegar fa\u00f0irinn hefur or\u00f0i\u00f0 valdur a\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00ferisvar sinnum var k\u00f6llu\u00f0 til l\u00f6gregla \u00e1 okkar heimili, \u00feegar fa\u00f0irinn r\u00e9\u00f0st \u00e1 mig og d\u00f3ttur okkar \u00ed bi\u00f0stofu \u00e1 l\u00e6knastofu og \u00ed sk\u00f3la d\u00f3ttur okkar, a\u00f0 \u00feessi atri\u00f0i \u00fear sem m\u00e9r hefur or\u00f0i\u00f0 eitthva\u00f0 \u00e1 s\u00e9u d\u00f3ttur minni minnist\u00e6\u00f0ust. \u00c9g \u00f3ttast a\u00f0 fa\u00f0ir hennar minni hana endalaust \u00e1 svona atvik eins og hann \u00fdti \u00e1 \u201ereplay\u201c.<\/p>\n

D\u00f3ttir m\u00edn\u00a0 kvartar\u00a0 um a\u00f0 \u00e9g hafi skamma\u00f0 hana. \u00c9g kannast alveg vi\u00f0 a\u00f0 hafa tu\u00f0a\u00f0 \u00ed henni og sett henni m\u00f6rk.\u00a0\u00dea\u00f0 er bara venjuleg manneskja a\u00f0 reyna a\u00f0 vera foreldri.<\/p>\n

\u00dea\u00f0 er einfaldlega ekkert sem r\u00e9ttl\u00e6tir \u00fea\u00f0 a\u00f0 fa\u00f0ir d\u00f3ttur minnar l\u00e1ti hana sl\u00edta \u00f6llu sambandi vi\u00f0 mig, br\u00e6\u00f0ur s\u00edna og alla m\u00edna m\u00f3\u00f0urfj\u00f6lskyldu og vini m\u00edna.\u00a0 \u00c9g tel a\u00f0 fa\u00f0irinn hafi \u00e1tt st\u00e6rstan \u00fe\u00e1tt \u00ed \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 skapa togstreitu kringum umgengni vi\u00f0 d\u00f3ttur okkar og \u00feannig valdi\u00f0 b\u00e6\u00f0i henni og m\u00e9r vanli\u00f0an. Hann stendur aldrei vi\u00f0 samkomul\u00f6g og skellir skuldinni \u00e1 barni\u00f0 \u2013 fr\u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed h\u00fan er 11 \u00e1ra g\u00f6mul.<\/p>\n

Ekki h\u00e6gt a\u00f0 s\u00e6ttast ef enginn vilji er hj\u00e1 \u00f6\u00f0rum a\u00f0ilanum<\/h2>\n

S\u00ed\u00f0ustu \u00e1rin hefur heyrst t\u00f6luvert fr\u00e1 fe\u00f0rahreyfingum og ma\u00f0ur hefur kannski \u00fe\u00e1 mynd af erfi\u00f0um umgengnisdeilum a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 mamman sem heldur barninu fr\u00e1 pabbanum. Heldur\u00f0u a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 jafn algengt a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 \u00e1 hinn veginn?<\/strong><\/p>\n

J\u00e1j\u00e1, \u00e9g er ekkert ein. \u00c9g h\u00e9lt fyrst a\u00f0 \u00e9g v\u00e6ri eina m\u00f3\u00f0irin \u00ed \u00feessari st\u00f6\u00f0u og \u00e9g skamma\u00f0ist m\u00edn svakalega miki\u00f0. Margir telja a\u00f0 ef barn s\u00e9 ekki hj\u00e1 m\u00f3\u00f0ur s\u00e9 eitthva\u00f0 verulega alvarlegt a\u00f0 m\u00f3\u00f0urinni. En sta\u00f0reyndin er a\u00f0 margar konur eru \u00ed minni st\u00f6\u00f0u en \u00fe\u00e6r hafa ekki l\u00e1ti\u00f0 miki\u00f0 \u00e1 s\u00e9r beta. Kannski vegna \u00fareltra hugmynda f\u00f3lks um m\u00e6\u00f0ur \u00e1n barna sinna.<\/p>\n

En hvernig fer ma\u00f0ur a\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed \u00feegar hinn a\u00f0ilinn vill engar s\u00e6ttir, m\u00e6tir ekki \u00e1 fundi og stendur ekki vi\u00f0 neitt?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u00c9g hef \u00edtreka\u00f0 \u00feurft a\u00f0 kalla til l\u00f6greglu vegna heg\u00f0unar f\u00f6\u00f0urins. \u00c9g f\u00e9kk \u00e1 \u00feessu t\u00edmabili \u00edtreka\u00f0 \u00a0\u00feau skilabo\u00f0 fr\u00e1 \u201es\u00e9rfr\u00e6\u00f0ingum\u201c a\u00f0 \u00e9g og fa\u00f0irinn \u00e6ttum a\u00f0 h\u00e6tta a\u00f0 r\u00edfast og haga okkur eins og fullor\u00f0i\u00f0 f\u00f3lk og n\u00e1 s\u00e1ttum. En hvernig fer ma\u00f0ur a\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed \u00feegar hinn a\u00f0ilinn vill engar s\u00e6ttir, m\u00e6tir ekki \u00e1 fundi og stendur ekki vi\u00f0 neitt?<\/p>\n

Gerir\u00f0u \u00fe\u00e9r vonir um e\u00f0lilegt samband vi\u00f0 d\u00f3ttur \u00fe\u00edna aftur?<\/strong><\/p>\n

J\u00e1. \u00c9g veit hversu gott samband \u00e9g og d\u00f3ttir m\u00edn \u00e1ttum og \u00e9g veit hversu v\u00e6nt henni \u00fe\u00f3tti um br\u00e6\u00f0ur s\u00edna og hversu miki\u00f0 h\u00fan leit upp til \u00feeirra. \u00c9g veit a\u00f0 \u00feessi sta\u00f0a er ekki fr\u00e1 d\u00f3ttur minni komin. \u00c9g \u00feekki f\u00f6\u00f0ur hennar og or\u00f0in sem hann notar og skaplyndi hans. \u00c9g \u00feekki hans or\u00f0 \u00feegar \u00feau koma \u00far munni d\u00f3ttur minnar.<\/p>\n

\u00c9g veit l\u00edka a\u00f0 hva\u00f0a mann d\u00f3ttir m\u00edn hefur a\u00f0 geyma og \u00e9g veit a\u00f0 okkar lei\u00f0ir liggja saman aftur. Einhverssta\u00f0ar einhvernt\u00edma aftur.<\/p>\n

Kvennabla\u00f0i\u00f0 hefur undir h\u00f6ndum umsagnir s\u00e9rfr\u00e6\u00f0inga sem telja a\u00f0 \u00feegar d\u00f3ttir Stellu hafna\u00f0i samskiptum vi\u00f0 m\u00f3\u00f0ur s\u00edna hafi h\u00fan veri\u00f0 undir \u00e1hrifavaldi f\u00f6\u00f0ur s\u00edns. Einnig s\u00fdna g\u00f6gn m\u00e1lsins a\u00f0 hann hefur beitt langvarandi umgengnist\u00e1lmunum og vanr\u00e6kt sk\u00f3laskyldu barnsins.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00deegar Stella \u00a0sleit samvistum vi\u00f0 eiginmann sinn 2014, taldi h\u00fan a\u00f0 skilna\u00f0ur myndi \u00fe\u00fd\u00f0a a\u00f0 bjartari t\u00edmar v\u00e6ru framundan. \u00dea\u00f0\u00a0 hvarfla\u00f0i ekki a\u00f0 henni a\u00f0 h\u00fan \u00e6tti fyrir h\u00f6ndum margra \u00e1ra bar\u00e1ttu vi\u00f0 kerfi\u00f0 og \u00fev\u00ed s\u00ed\u00f0ur a\u00f0 d\u00f3ttir hennar … Halda \u00e1fram a\u00f0 lesa →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":3641,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,6],"tags":[295,432],"class_list":["post-3640","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-kyndillinn","category-kynjaimyndir-og-mismunun","tag-foreldrajafnretti","tag-foreldrautilokun"],"yoast_head":"\nM\u00e9r var sagt a\u00f0 umgengnisforeldri g\u00e6ti ekki t\u00e1lma\u00f0 umgengni - Kyndillinn<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"is_IS\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"M\u00e9r var sagt a\u00f0 umgengnisforeldri g\u00e6ti ekki t\u00e1lma\u00f0 umgengni - Kyndillinn\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u00deegar Stella \u00a0sleit samvistum vi\u00f0 eiginmann sinn 2014, taldi h\u00fan a\u00f0 skilna\u00f0ur myndi \u00fe\u00fd\u00f0a a\u00f0 bjartari t\u00edmar v\u00e6ru framundan. \u00dea\u00f0\u00a0 hvarfla\u00f0i ekki a\u00f0 henni a\u00f0 h\u00fan \u00e6tti fyrir h\u00f6ndum margra \u00e1ra bar\u00e1ttu vi\u00f0 kerfi\u00f0 og \u00fev\u00ed s\u00ed\u00f0ur a\u00f0 d\u00f3ttir hennar … Halda \u00e1fram a\u00f0 lesa →\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Kyndillinn\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-05-14T12:19:44+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2020-05-15T22:34:12+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2020\/05\/divorce.jpeg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"320\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"227\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Eva Hauksd\u00f3ttir\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"21 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Eva Hauksd\u00f3ttir\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/1d9742389918a297671033a2b53d3d34\"},\"headline\":\"M\u00e9r var sagt a\u00f0 umgengnisforeldri g\u00e6ti ekki t\u00e1lma\u00f0 umgengni\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-05-14T12:19:44+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2020-05-15T22:34:12+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":4244,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/sites\\\/5\\\/2020\\\/05\\\/divorce.jpeg\",\"keywords\":[\"foreldrajafnr\u00e9tti\",\"foreldra\u00fatilokun\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Kyndillinn\",\"Kynja\u00edmyndir og mismunun\"],\"inLanguage\":\"is\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\\\/\",\"name\":\"M\u00e9r var sagt a\u00f0 umgengnisforeldri g\u00e6ti ekki t\u00e1lma\u00f0 umgengni - Kyndillinn\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/sites\\\/5\\\/2020\\\/05\\\/divorce.jpeg\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-05-14T12:19:44+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2020-05-15T22:34:12+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/1d9742389918a297671033a2b53d3d34\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\\\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"is\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"is\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\\\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/sites\\\/5\\\/2020\\\/05\\\/divorce.jpeg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/sites\\\/5\\\/2020\\\/05\\\/divorce.jpeg\",\"width\":320,\"height\":227},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\\\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"M\u00e9r var sagt a\u00f0 umgengnisforeldri g\u00e6ti ekki t\u00e1lma\u00f0 umgengni\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/\",\"name\":\"Kyndillinn\",\"description\":\"Eva um kyn og kl\u00e1m\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"is\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/1d9742389918a297671033a2b53d3d34\",\"name\":\"Eva Hauksd\u00f3ttir\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.norn.is\\\/kyndillinn\\\/author\\\/evahauks\\\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"M\u00e9r var sagt a\u00f0 umgengnisforeldri g\u00e6ti ekki t\u00e1lma\u00f0 umgengni - Kyndillinn","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\/","og_locale":"is_IS","og_type":"article","og_title":"M\u00e9r var sagt a\u00f0 umgengnisforeldri g\u00e6ti ekki t\u00e1lma\u00f0 umgengni - Kyndillinn","og_description":"\u00deegar Stella \u00a0sleit samvistum vi\u00f0 eiginmann sinn 2014, taldi h\u00fan a\u00f0 skilna\u00f0ur myndi \u00fe\u00fd\u00f0a a\u00f0 bjartari t\u00edmar v\u00e6ru framundan. \u00dea\u00f0\u00a0 hvarfla\u00f0i ekki a\u00f0 henni a\u00f0 h\u00fan \u00e6tti fyrir h\u00f6ndum margra \u00e1ra bar\u00e1ttu vi\u00f0 kerfi\u00f0 og \u00fev\u00ed s\u00ed\u00f0ur a\u00f0 d\u00f3ttir hennar … Halda \u00e1fram a\u00f0 lesa →","og_url":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\/","og_site_name":"Kyndillinn","article_published_time":"2020-05-14T12:19:44+00:00","article_modified_time":"2020-05-15T22:34:12+00:00","og_image":[{"width":320,"height":227,"url":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2020\/05\/divorce.jpeg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Eva Hauksd\u00f3ttir","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":false,"Est. reading time":"21 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\/"},"author":{"name":"Eva Hauksd\u00f3ttir","@id":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/#\/schema\/person\/1d9742389918a297671033a2b53d3d34"},"headline":"M\u00e9r var sagt a\u00f0 umgengnisforeldri g\u00e6ti ekki t\u00e1lma\u00f0 umgengni","datePublished":"2020-05-14T12:19:44+00:00","dateModified":"2020-05-15T22:34:12+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\/"},"wordCount":4244,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2020\/05\/divorce.jpeg","keywords":["foreldrajafnr\u00e9tti","foreldra\u00fatilokun"],"articleSection":["Kyndillinn","Kynja\u00edmyndir og mismunun"],"inLanguage":"is"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\/","url":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\/","name":"M\u00e9r var sagt a\u00f0 umgengnisforeldri g\u00e6ti ekki t\u00e1lma\u00f0 umgengni - Kyndillinn","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2020\/05\/divorce.jpeg","datePublished":"2020-05-14T12:19:44+00:00","dateModified":"2020-05-15T22:34:12+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/#\/schema\/person\/1d9742389918a297671033a2b53d3d34"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"is","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"is","@id":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2020\/05\/divorce.jpeg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2020\/05\/divorce.jpeg","width":320,"height":227},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/mer-var-sagt-ad-umgengnisforeldri-gaeti-ekki-talmad-umgengni\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"M\u00e9r var sagt a\u00f0 umgengnisforeldri g\u00e6ti ekki t\u00e1lma\u00f0 umgengni"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/","name":"Kyndillinn","description":"Eva um kyn og kl\u00e1m","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"is"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/#\/schema\/person\/1d9742389918a297671033a2b53d3d34","name":"Eva Hauksd\u00f3ttir","url":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/author\/evahauks\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3640","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3640"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3640\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3646,"href":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3640\/revisions\/3646"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3641"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3640"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3640"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3640"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}