{"id":3631,"date":"2020-05-02T20:05:28","date_gmt":"2020-05-02T20:05:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/?p=3631"},"modified":"2020-05-15T22:11:29","modified_gmt":"2020-05-15T22:11:29","slug":"foreldri-hefur-ekki-leyfi-til-ad-gefa-upp-vonina","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/foreldri-hefur-ekki-leyfi-til-ad-gefa-upp-vonina\/","title":{"rendered":"Foreldri hefur ekki leyfi til a\u00f0 gefa upp vonina"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>S\u00ed\u00f0ustu \u00e1rin hefur foreldra\u00fatilokun e\u00f0a foreldra\u00fatsk\u00fafun fengi\u00f0 \u00e6 meira v\u00e6gi \u00ed umr\u00e6\u00f0um um erfi\u00f0ar umgengnis- og forsj\u00e1rdeilur. Skiptar sko\u00f0anir eru um \u00fea\u00f0 me\u00f0al s\u00e1lfr\u00e6\u00f0inga hvort \u00fea\u00f0 a\u00f0 alast upp vi\u00f0 fjandsamleg vi\u00f0horf \u00ed gar\u00f0 foreldris geti eitt \u00fat af fyrir sig haft \u00feau \u00e1hrif a\u00f0 barn hafni foreldrinu algerlega.<\/p>\n

Dofri Hermannsson er forma\u00f0ur\u00a0F\u00e9lags um foreldrajafnr\u00e9tti<\/a>\u00a0sem telur foreldra\u00fatilokun raunverulegt vandam\u00e1l. \u00deann 25. apr\u00edl sl. birti V\u00edsir grein um foreldra\u00fatk\u00fafun eftir Dofra undir heitinu\u00a0Leyfi til a\u00f0 elska<\/a>. N\u00e6sta dag birti Stundin\u00a0yfirl\u00fdsingu fr\u00e1 uppkomnum d\u00e6trum Dofra<\/a>\u00a0\u00fear sem \u00fe\u00e6r hafna \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 h\u00e6gt s\u00e9 a\u00f0 sk\u00fdra sambandsleysi \u00feeirra me\u00f0 foreldra\u00fatilokun.<\/p>\n

\u00c9g haf\u00f0i samband vi\u00f0 Dofra og spur\u00f0i hann \u00fat \u00ed \u00fea\u00f0 hversu lengi hann teldi \u00e1hrifa foreldra\u00fatilokunar vara.<\/p>\n

Me\u00f0 skilningi kemur s\u00e1tt<\/h2>\n

Hvernig kom \u00fea\u00f0 til a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa f\u00f3rst a\u00f0 vinna me\u00f0 f\u00e9lagi um foreldrajafnr\u00e9tti?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Forsagan er s\u00fa a\u00f0 \u00ed kj\u00f6lfar erfi\u00f0s skilna\u00f0ar 2013 missi \u00e9g, og reyndar \u00f6ll fj\u00f6lskylda m\u00edn, sambandi\u00f0 vi\u00f0 tv\u00e6r d\u00e6tra minna. Vi\u00f0 h\u00f6f\u00f0um aldrei kynnst neinu svona og \u00fea\u00f0 virtist alveg sama hva\u00f0 var reynt, \u00f6llum samskiptum var hafna\u00f0 og \u00fea\u00f0 er enn \u00feannig \u00a0\u00fe\u00f3tt \u00fe\u00e6r s\u00e9u or\u00f0nar fullor\u00f0nar. \u00c9g veit ekki hvort \u00fea\u00f0 er h\u00e6gt a\u00f0 l\u00fdsa \u00feessu fyrir f\u00f3lki sem hefur ekki lent \u00ed \u00feessu en \u00fea\u00f0 er eins og barninu manns hafi veri\u00f0 r\u00e6nt og \u00f6llum s\u00e9 sama. \u00deetta er \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00ed\u00f0asta sem ma\u00f0ur hugsar um \u00e1 kv\u00f6ldin og fyrsta hugsun \u00e1 morgnana. Hvern einasta dag er hugurinn \u00e1 fullu a\u00f0 reyna a\u00f0 finna einhverja lei\u00f0 til a\u00f0 n\u00e1 \u00ed gegn og hugsa um \u00fea\u00f0 hvernig \u00fea\u00f0 gat gerst a\u00f0 \u00feeir einstaklingar sem ma\u00f0ur elskar mest \u00ed heiminum skuli vilja \u00feurrka mann \u00fat \u00far l\u00edfi s\u00ednu. Ma\u00f0ur er fullur \u00f6rv\u00e6ntingar, sorgar, rei\u00f0i en l\u00edka vonar, \u00fev\u00ed ma\u00f0ur getur aldrei h\u00e6tt a\u00f0 vona a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e6r komi til baka.<\/p>\n

Eftir nokkur misseri ver\u00f0ur ma\u00f0ur samt a\u00f0 finna lei\u00f0 til a\u00f0 lifa me\u00f0 \u00feessu og lei\u00f0in sem \u00e9g valdi m\u00e9r var s\u00fa a\u00f0 reyna a\u00f0 l\u00e6ra sem mest um \u00feetta. \u00deetta er eins og \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 einhver sj\u00fakd\u00f3mur \u00ed fj\u00f6lskyldunni og ma\u00f0ur vill kynna s\u00e9r eins vel og ma\u00f0ur getur hva\u00f0 er h\u00e6gt a\u00f0 gera \u00ed \u00feessu, hvernig virkar \u00feetta? Af hverju bregst f\u00f3lk svona vi\u00f0 og hva\u00f0 er h\u00e6gt a\u00f0 gera \u00ed \u00fev\u00ed? \u00deekkingin f\u00e6r\u00f0i m\u00e9r skilning og me\u00f0 skilningi kemur s\u00e1tt sem f\u00e6r\u00f0i m\u00e9r d\u00e1l\u00edtin fri\u00f0.<\/p>\n

\u00dearna \u00e1tta\u00f0i \u00e9g mig \u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 er fullt, fullt af f\u00f3lki \u00ed s\u00f6mu sporum. \u00dea\u00f0 eru l\u00edklega nokkur \u00fe\u00fasund foreldrar, \u00f6mmur og afar \u00e1 \u00cdslandi sem sj\u00e1 ekki barni\u00f0 sitt e\u00f0a barnabarni\u00f0 sitt af \u00fev\u00ed hitt foreldri barnsins \u00feeirra er svo uppfullt af rei\u00f0i og \u00f6\u00f0rum erfi\u00f0um tilfinningum \u00ed gar\u00f0 \u00fatiloka\u00f0a foreldrisins. Fyrst \u00e9g gat ekki gert neitt \u00ed m\u00ednum m\u00e1lum \u00fe\u00e1 langa\u00f0i mig a\u00f0 reyna a\u00f0 gera \u00fe\u00e1 allavega eitthva\u00f0 fyrir a\u00f0ra og a\u00f0 lyfta umr\u00e6\u00f0u um foreldra\u00fatilokun upp \u00far ford\u00f3mum og kynjastr\u00ed\u00f0i. \u00dea\u00f0 leiddi mig inn \u00ed F\u00e9lag um foreldrajafnr\u00e9tti sem hefur alltaf s\u00fdnt \u00feessum m\u00e1lum mikinn \u00e1huga.<\/p>\n

Hversu algengt er a\u00f0 f\u00f3lk leiti til f\u00e9lagsins?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00dea\u00f0 er a\u00f0 me\u00f0altali eitt n\u00fdtt tilfelli \u00ed viku sem vi\u00f0 f\u00e1um inn til okkar. F\u00f3lk sem hringir og er r\u00e1\u00f0alaust, algerlega r\u00e1\u00f0alaust. \u00dea\u00f0 er stundum b\u00fai\u00f0 a\u00f0 ganga m\u00e1nu\u00f0um saman milli barnaverndarnefnda og s\u00fdslumanna. \u00dear bendir hver \u00e1 annan og enginn getur gert neitt. Og svo l\u00ed\u00f0a bara \u00e1rin og \u00feessar m\u00e6\u00f0ur og fe\u00f0ur \u00feau missa vonina og jafnvel l\u00f6ngunina til a\u00f0 lifa.<\/p>\n

Hafna uppkomin b\u00f6rn samskiptum vegna foreldra\u00fatilokunar?<\/h2>\n

N\u00fana \u00ed vikunni birti\u00a0Stundin umfj\u00f6llun<\/a>\u00a0\u00fear sem d\u00f3ttir \u00fe\u00edn og uppeldisd\u00f3ttir hafna foreldra\u00fatilokun sem \u00e1st\u00e6\u00f0u \u00feess a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e6r vilji ekki vera \u00ed sambandi vi\u00f0 \u00feig og segja \u00e1st\u00e6\u00f0una vera \u00fe\u00e1 a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa hafir komi\u00f0 illa fram vi\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e6r og beitt \u00fe\u00e6r ofbeldi, \u00c6tlar\u00f0u a\u00f0 breg\u00f0ast vi\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00c9g hef ekki tala\u00f0 opinberlega um m\u00edn pers\u00f3nulegu m\u00e1l s\u00ed\u00f0an 2016. \u00de\u00e1 haf\u00f0i \u00e9g reynt allt sem \u00e9g gat til a\u00f0 n\u00e1 sambandi vi\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e6r, \u00e1n \u00e1rangurs. \u00de\u00e1 var yngsta stelpan a\u00f0 byrja \u00ed grunnsk\u00f3la og \u00e9g vildi skapa eins mikla r\u00f3 \u00ed kringum hana og h\u00e6gt var. H\u00fan hefur alveg fr\u00e1 skilna\u00f0i veri\u00f0 hj\u00e1 m\u00e9r a\u00f0ra hverja viku og \u00e9g vona heitt og innilega a\u00f0 h\u00fan f\u00e1i a\u00f0 elska b\u00e1\u00f0a foreldra s\u00edna \u00ed fri\u00f0i. F\u00e1i a\u00f0 eiga b\u00e6\u00f0i m\u00f3\u00f0urfj\u00f6lskyldu og f\u00f6\u00f0urfj\u00f6lskyldu og \u00feurfi ekki a\u00f0 hlusta \u00e1 illt umtal um f\u00f3lki\u00f0 sitt. \u00dea\u00f0 mei\u00f0ir.<\/p>\n

\u00c9g tr\u00fai a\u00f0 upplifun eldri stelpnanna s\u00e9 s\u00f6nn en \u00e9g veit l\u00edka fyrir v\u00edst a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e6r byggja hana \u00e1 r\u00f6ngum uppl\u00fdsingum. \u00dea\u00f0 hvernig \u00fe\u00e6r breg\u00f0ast vi\u00f0 passar algerlega vi\u00f0 l\u00fdsingu \u00e1 b\u00f6rnum sem hafna \u00f6\u00f0ru foreldri s\u00ednu \u00ed kj\u00f6lfar foreldra\u00fatilokunar. \u00c9g sag\u00f0i\u00a0m\u00edna pers\u00f3nulegu s\u00f6gu<\/a>\u00a0\u00ed lok \u00e1rs 2015 og mig langar ekki til a\u00f0 auka \u00e1 spennuna \u00ed \u00feessu m\u00e1li me\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 b\u00e6ta fleiru vi\u00f0. En \u00fea\u00f0 er mikilv\u00e6gt a\u00f0 halda opinni umr\u00e6\u00f0u um \u00fea\u00f0 ofbeldi sem foreldra\u00fatilokun er. \u00deetta er grafalvarlegt ofbeldi sem er a\u00f0 ey\u00f0ileggja l\u00edf fj\u00f6lda f\u00f3lks \u00e1 hverjum einasta degi.<\/p>\n

\u00deegar \u00e9g heyri tala\u00f0 um foreldra\u00fatilokun dettur m\u00e9r fyrst \u00ed hug l\u00edti\u00f0 barn sem finnst \u00fea\u00f0 \u00feurfa a\u00f0 taka afst\u00f6\u00f0u me\u00f0 \u00f6\u00f0ru foreldrinu gegn hinu. Er h\u00e6gt a\u00f0 tala um foreldra\u00fatilokun \u00feegar fullor\u00f0i\u00f0 f\u00f3lk tekur \u00feessa afst\u00f6\u00f0u? \u00de\u00e6r eru 21 og 28 \u00e1ra. \u00de\u00e6r eru ekki b\u00f6rn.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00de\u00e6r eru reyndar 20 og 27 \u00e1ra og \u00fe\u00e6r voru b\u00f6rn \u00feegar \u00fe\u00e6r voru beittar foreldra\u00fatilokun. Eldri stelpan hefur gengi\u00f0 \u00ed gegnum \u00feetta tvisvar. \u00c9g kynntist henni \u00feegar h\u00fan var fj\u00f6gurra \u00e1ra og h\u00fan kalla\u00f0i mig pabba sinn \u00ed 16 \u00e1r. \u00c9g \u00e1tti hana n\u00e1tt\u00farulega ekki l\u00edffr\u00e6\u00f0ilega en h\u00fan \u00e1tti mig sannarlega og \u00e9g elska\u00f0i hana af \u00f6llu hjarta. H\u00fan \u00e1 annan pabba sem \u00e9g s\u00e1 seinna a\u00f0 var \u00fdtt \u00fat \u00far l\u00edfi hennar \u00e1 sama h\u00e1tt og m\u00e9r s\u00ed\u00f0ar. \u00c9g \u00e1tti fund me\u00f0 honum \u00e1ri\u00f0 2015 \u00fear sem vi\u00f0 t\u00f6lu\u00f0um saman og \u00e9g f\u00e6r\u00f0i honum afrit af \u00f6llum myndum sem \u00e9g \u00e1tti af d\u00f3ttur okkar. \u00c9g sag\u00f0i honum a\u00f0 m\u00e9r \u00fe\u00e6tti leitt a\u00f0 hafa brug\u00f0ist \u00ed a\u00f0 vernda fe\u00f0ginasamband \u00feeirra. Hann sag\u00f0i a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 hef\u00f0um \u00feurft a\u00f0 tala saman fyrir l\u00f6ngu s\u00ed\u00f0an. \u00c9g veit a\u00f0 \u00feau hafa a\u00f0eins n\u00e1\u00f0 betur saman eftir \u00feetta og \u00e9g er innilega gla\u00f0ur yfir \u00fev\u00ed fyrir h\u00f6nd \u00feeirra beggja.
\nYngri stelpan var 13 \u00e1ra \u00feegar vi\u00f0 mamma \u00feeirra skildum. H\u00fan var mikil pabbastelpa og vi\u00f0 n\u00e1\u00f0um einstaklega vel saman \u00a0og \u00fea\u00f0 haf\u00f0i aldrei bori\u00f0 skugga \u00e1 samskipti okkar \u00e1\u00f0ur en kom til \u00feessa skilna\u00f0ar fyrir 7 \u00e1rum s\u00ed\u00f0an.<\/p>\n

\u00deetta var erfi\u00f0ur skilna\u00f0ur sem t\u00f3k mj\u00f6g \u00e1 \u00fe\u00e6r b\u00e1\u00f0ar og \u00fe\u00e6r voru settar \u00ed mj\u00f6g erfi\u00f0a hollustuklemmu. \u00c1ri fyrir skilna\u00f0inn h\u00f6f\u00f0u \u00fe\u00e6r leita\u00f0 til m\u00edn vegna ofr\u00edkis m\u00f6mmu sinnar sem \u00fe\u00e6r voru oft gr\u00e1tandi undan. \u00c9g vissi ekki af \u00feessu en leita\u00f0i m\u00e9r r\u00e1\u00f0gjafar og enda\u00f0i \u00e1 a\u00f0 bj\u00f3\u00f0a m\u00f6mmu \u00feeirra a\u00f0 velja \u00e1 milli skilna\u00f0ar e\u00f0a breyta framkomu sinni vi\u00f0 okkur. H\u00fan valdi s\u00ed\u00f0ari kostinn en eftir nokkrar vikur leita\u00f0i allt \u00ed sama fari\u00f0. N\u00fa \u00feor\u00f0u stelpurnar hins vegar ekki lengur a\u00f0 segja m\u00e9r neitt og eftir skilna\u00f0inn s\u00e1tu \u00fe\u00e6r uppi me\u00f0 sektarkennd yfir a\u00f0 hafa valdi\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00e9g skildi vi\u00f0 m\u00f6mmu \u00feeirra. \u00deeim lei\u00f0 l\u00edka illa yfir \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 mamma \u00feeirra upplif\u00f0i sig ni\u00f0url\u00e6g\u00f0a. \u00c9g held a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 mj\u00f6g \u00f3\u00fe\u00e6gilegt fyrir hva\u00f0a barn sem er \u00feegar foreldri brotnar ni\u00f0ur fyrir framan \u00fea\u00f0 og leitar huggunar hj\u00e1 barninu var\u00f0andi fullor\u00f0insm\u00e1l eins og skilna\u00f0 vi\u00f0 hitt foreldri\u00f0. \u00dea\u00f0 rennur barni til rifja a\u00f0 sj\u00e1 foreldri sitt \u00ed \u00fev\u00ed \u00e1standi, alveg sama hvort \u00fea\u00f0 er 13 \u00e1ra e\u00f0a 20 \u00e1ra og barni\u00f0 tekur mj\u00f6g sterka tilfinningalega afst\u00f6\u00f0u me\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed foreldri sem \u00feannig leitar hj\u00e1lpar hj\u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed. Og ef \u00fev\u00ed fylgir l\u00edka mikill haturshugur \u00ed gar\u00f0 hins foreldrisins \u00fe\u00e1 finnst barninu eins og \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 a\u00f0 sv\u00edkja foreldri\u00f0 sem l\u00ed\u00f0ur svona illa me\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 halda \u00e1fram a\u00f0 elska hitt foreldri\u00f0.<\/p>\n

B\u00f6rn sem lenda \u00ed \u00feessu koma sjaldan til baka<\/h2>\n

En \u00feegar f\u00f3lk er fullor\u00f0i\u00f0, er \u00fea\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e1 ekki \u00ed betri a\u00f0st\u00f6\u00f0u til a\u00f0 leggja mat \u00e1 a\u00f0st\u00e6\u00f0ur? Ma\u00f0ur hef\u00f0i haldi\u00f0 a\u00f0 \u00feegar f\u00f3lk b\u00fdr ekki lengur inni \u00e1 heimilinu \u00fe\u00e1 lendi \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00ed\u00f0ur \u00ed hollustuklemmu.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ef ma\u00f0ur er me\u00f0 dj\u00fapa tilfinningalega sannf\u00e6ringu um \u00fea\u00f0 hvernig veruleikinn er \u00fe\u00e1 breytist \u00fea\u00f0 ekkert endilega vi\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 a\u00f0 ver\u00f0a fullor\u00f0inn. \u00c9g hef sko\u00f0a\u00f0 \u00feetta mj\u00f6g miki\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed au\u00f0vita\u00f0 er ma\u00f0ur alltaf a\u00f0 vona. Margir segja \u201e\u00fe\u00e6r koma til baka\u201c en\u00a0 sta\u00f0reyndin er a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 gerist yfirleitt ekki.<\/p>\n

\u00dea\u00f0 getur gerst \u00feegar barni\u00f0 er uppkomi\u00f0, sj\u00e1lft komi\u00f0 me\u00f0 fj\u00f6lskyldu og fari\u00f0 a\u00f0 hugsa um sig sem foreldri. \u00dea\u00f0 er helst \u00fe\u00e1 sem \u00feau fara a\u00f0 endursko\u00f0a hugmyndir s\u00ednar. \u00deetta uppkomna barn er \u00fe\u00e1 jafnvel komi\u00f0 \u00ed samband vi\u00f0 einhvern sem skilur ekki hva\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 var sem ger\u00f0ist. \u00dea\u00f0 hlj\u00f3ti a\u00f0 hafa veri\u00f0 eitthva\u00f0 rosalegt. \u00deegar kemur svo \u00ed lj\u00f3s a\u00f0 ekkert rosalegt ger\u00f0ist \u00fe\u00e1 finnst makanum \u00feetta skr\u00fdti\u00f0. Fyrir fullor\u00f0i\u00f0 barn sem hefur veri\u00f0 \u00feolandi foreldra\u00fatilokunar getur \u00fea\u00f0 opna\u00f0 augu \u00feess a\u00f0 r\u00e6\u00f0a m\u00e1lin vi\u00f0 maka sem aldrei myndi afneita foreldri s\u00ednu \u00fe\u00f3tt \u00fea\u00f0 kunni a\u00f0 hafa \u00fdmsa galla. \u00dea\u00f0 er helst \u00fat af einhverju svona sem b\u00f6rn koma til baka. Yfirleitt \u00e1tta b\u00f6rn \u00e1tti sig ekki \u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed \u00feegar \u00feau eru sj\u00e1lf or\u00f0in fullor\u00f0in a\u00f0 sambandsleysi\u00f0 \u00f6ll \u00feessi \u00e1r var \u00f3\u00fearfi. \u00dev\u00ed mi\u00f0ur.<\/p>\n

Er \u00fe\u00e1 algengt a\u00f0 f\u00f3lk b\u00fai vi\u00f0 \u00feessar aflei\u00f0ingar foreldra\u00fatilokunar alla \u00e6vi?<\/strong><\/p>\n

J\u00e1, svo sannarlega. Einn af skj\u00f3lst\u00e6\u00f0ingum okkar er kona sem var beitt foreldra\u00fatilokun sj\u00e1lf og missti af \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00feekkja pabba sinn. H\u00fan hringdi \u00ed mig \u00feegar h\u00fan s\u00e1 \u00feessa umfj\u00f6llun [Stundarinnar] og sag\u00f0i: \u201e\u00c9g vorkenni svo stelpunum \u00fe\u00ednum, \u00feetta hef\u00f0i svo vel geta\u00f0 veri\u00f0 \u00e9g.\u201c H\u00fan haf\u00f0i alist upp vi\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 vi\u00f0horf a\u00f0 pabbi hennar v\u00e6ri ekki \u00feess vir\u00f0i a\u00f0 vera \u00ed sambandi vi\u00f0 hann og heyr\u00f0i oft tala\u00f0 um hann af fyrirlitningu. H\u00fan neita\u00f0i sta\u00f0fastlega \u00f6llu sambandi vi\u00f0 hann og var rei\u00f0 ef hann reyndi a\u00f0 hringja. S\u00fdndi honum fyrirlitningu eins og mamma hennar. H\u00fan uppg\u00f6tva\u00f0i s\u00ed\u00f0an \u00feegar h\u00fan var komin \u00e1 fmmtugsaldur a\u00f0 \u00feetta var allt saman \u00f3satt. Hann var bara \u00f3sk\u00f6p venjulegur ma\u00f0ur, hvorki betri n\u00e9 verri en a\u00f0rir menn. Bara venjulegur ma\u00f0ur sem elska\u00f0i stelpuna s\u00edna og vildi vera \u00ed sambandi vi\u00f0 hana. \u00dea\u00f0 sem h\u00fan er a\u00f0 gl\u00edma vi\u00f0 \u00ed dag er gr\u00ed\u00f0arleg sorg yfir \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 hafa misst af \u00feessum t\u00edma me\u00f0 pabba s\u00ednum, sektarkennd yfir \u00fev\u00ed hvernig h\u00fan kom fram vi\u00f0 hann og rei\u00f0i yfir \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00feetta skyldi vera l\u00e1ti\u00f0 gerast.<\/p>\n

Vi\u00f0 vorum me\u00f0 n\u00e1mskei\u00f0 fyrir forelda sem eru beittir foreldra\u00fatilokun \u00ed vetur og vi\u00f0 b\u00e1\u00f0um \u00fe\u00e1 \u00ed lok n\u00e1mskei\u00f0sins a\u00f0 skrifa ni\u00f0ur \u00e1 mi\u00f0a hva\u00f0 \u00fatilokunin hef\u00f0i vara\u00f0 langan t\u00edma. \u00dea\u00f0 reyndist vera allt fr\u00e1 nokkrum m\u00e1nu\u00f0um og upp \u00ed 52 \u00e1r. B\u00e6\u00f0i fe\u00f0ur og m\u00e6\u00f0ur leita til f\u00e9lags um foreldrajafnr\u00e9tti og \u00fea\u00f0 er ekki \u00f3algengt a\u00f0 \u00feau hafi ekki s\u00e9\u00f0 b\u00f6rnin s\u00edn \u00ed 10-15 \u00e1r e\u00f0a meira. B\u00f6rn sem eru or\u00f0in fullor\u00f0in n\u00fana og skila s\u00e9r bara ekki til baka. Jafnvel \u00fe\u00f3tt foreldrar reyni a\u00f0 hafa samband og jafnvel \u00fe\u00f3tt myndist sm\u00e1 tengsl \u00ed sm\u00e1 stund \u00fe\u00e1 er alls ekkert \u00e1 v\u00edsan a\u00f0 r\u00f3a me\u00f0 a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 opnun \u00e1 e\u00f0lileg samskipti, \u00fev\u00ed \u00fea\u00f0 er b\u00fai\u00f0 a\u00f0 skemma svo miki\u00f0.<\/p>\n

Klofnun sj\u00e1lfsins<\/h2>\n

Vi\u00f0 fengum s\u00e1lfr\u00e6\u00f0inga sem s\u00e9rh\u00e6fa sig \u00ed greiningu og me\u00f0fer\u00f0 \u00e1 foreldra\u00fatilokun til okkar me\u00f0 n\u00e1mskei\u00f0 fyrir fagf\u00f3lk og \u00feeir \u00fatsk\u00fdr\u00f0u \u00fea\u00f0 sem gerist hj\u00e1 barni sem er beitt foreldra\u00fatilokun. Barni\u00f0 er afkv\u00e6mi tveggja foreldra og upplifir sj\u00e1lft sig eins og eina heild sem er samsett \u00far tveimur hlutum, einum fr\u00e1 hvoru foreldri. \u00deegar barni\u00f0 s\u00ed\u00f0an lendir \u00ed alvarlegri hollustuklemmu \u00a0\u00fe\u00e1 upplifir barni\u00f0 a\u00f0 annar helmingur \u00feess s\u00e9 vondur, fyrirlitlegur e\u00f0a jafnvel h\u00e6ttulegur \u00feegar anna\u00f0 foreldri\u00f0 talar \u00e1 ni\u00f0randi h\u00e1tt um hitt. Og loks kemur s\u00e1 t\u00edmapunktur a\u00f0 barninu finnst \u00fea\u00f0 ver\u00f0i a\u00f0 klj\u00fafa \u00feennan \u00f3\u00e6skilega part fr\u00e1 s\u00e9r og afneita honum til \u00feess a\u00f0 vera ver\u00f0ugt \u00e1star rei\u00f0a foreldrisins. \u00dea\u00f0 grefur \u00feennan hluta af s\u00e9r dj\u00fapt \u00ed undirvitundinni og alla \u00e1st til \u00feessa \u00f3\u00e6skilega foreldris um lei\u00f0.<\/p>\n

\u00dearna spilar l\u00edka inn \u00ed \u00f3tti vi\u00f0 a\u00f0 vera hafna\u00f0 af \u00feessu rei\u00f0a foreldri sem er kannski b\u00fai\u00f0 a\u00f0 s\u00fdna barninu hva\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 g\u00e6ti \u00e1tt \u00ed v\u00e6ndum me\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 hafna algerlega \u00f6llu sambandi vi\u00f0 hitt foreldri\u00f0 og alla fj\u00f6lskyldu \u00feess \u00e1n gildrar \u00e1st\u00e6\u00f0u. \u00deetta er svona svol\u00edti\u00f0 eins og sv\u00e6si\u00f0 fullor\u00f0inseinelti e\u00f0a bannf\u00e6ring. Og \u00fea\u00f0 er eitt einkenni\u00f0 \u00e1 \u00feessum foreldra\u00fatilokunarm\u00e1lum, \u00feetta sn\u00fdst ekki bara um rei\u00f0i \u00fat \u00ed \u00fatiloka\u00f0a foreldri\u00f0 heldur \u00fearf helst a\u00f0 sl\u00edta sambandi vi\u00f0 alla fj\u00f6lskylduna og alla vini sem hafa ekki sl\u00edti\u00f0 sambandi vi\u00f0 \u00fatiloka\u00f0a foreldri\u00f0.<\/p>\n

Gerendur af b\u00e1\u00f0um kynjum n\u00fdta s\u00e9r neikv\u00e6\u00f0ar kynja\u00edmyndir<\/h2>\n

Lengi var \u00feetta eins og m\u00e6\u00f0ur st\u00e6\u00f0u gegn fe\u00f0rum en \u00fea\u00f0 hefur n\u00fa kannski a\u00f0eins breyst me\u00f0 breyttum vi\u00f0horfum til barnauppeldis. Fe\u00f0ur eru meira me\u00f0 b\u00f6rnin n\u00fa en fyrir 40 \u00e1rum. S\u00e9r\u00f0u kynjamun? Er meira um a\u00f0 m\u00e6\u00f0ur beiti foreldra\u00fatilokun en fe\u00f0ur e\u00f0a stafar hallinn \u00ed umr\u00e6\u00f0unni bara af \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 lengi voru m\u00e6\u00f0ur svo h\u00e1tt hlutfall \u00feeirra sem h\u00f6f\u00f0u forr\u00e6\u00f0i\u00f0?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Til okkar leita jafn margar m\u00e6\u00f0ur sem eru \u00fatiloka\u00f0ar eins og fe\u00f0ur. \u00deannig a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 sj\u00e1um ekki mun \u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed. En vi\u00f0 sj\u00e1um samt mun \u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed hvernig samf\u00e9lagi\u00f0 bregst vi\u00f0. \u00dea\u00f0 er mj\u00f6g au\u00f0velt a\u00f0 segja um f\u00f6\u00f0ur a\u00f0 hann s\u00e9 ofbeldisfullur. Vi\u00f0 b\u00faum \u00ed samf\u00e9lagi \u00fear sem er \u00e6tlast til a\u00f0 f\u00f3lk tr\u00fai alltaf ofbeldi upp \u00e1 f\u00f6\u00f0ur. Vi\u00f0horfi\u00f0 er \u00fea\u00f0 a\u00f0 ef ma\u00f0ur tr\u00fair \u00fev\u00ed ekki \u00fe\u00e1 s\u00e9 ma\u00f0ur \u00ed rauninni a\u00f0 breg\u00f0ast \u00feeim sem segist hafa veri\u00f0 beittur ofbeldi. \u00dea\u00f0 er erfi\u00f0ara a\u00f0 telja samf\u00e9laginu tr\u00fa um a\u00f0 m\u00f3\u00f0ir hafi beitt ofbeldi. \u00dea\u00f0 er aftur \u00e1 m\u00f3ti au\u00f0veldara a\u00f0 telja samf\u00e9laginu tr\u00fa um a\u00f0 m\u00f3\u00f0ir s\u00e9 veil \u00e1 ge\u00f0i, s\u00e9 hyster\u00edsk, hafi vanr\u00e6kt barni\u00f0. Gerendurnir \u00ed foreldra\u00fatilokunarm\u00e1lum n\u00fdta s\u00e9r \u00feessar klisjuhugmyndir sem vi\u00f0 h\u00f6fum um fe\u00f0ur og m\u00e6\u00f0ur til a\u00f0 r\u00e9ttl\u00e6ta \u00fatilokunina.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n

\u00d6nnur vi\u00f0horf einkenna b\u00f6rn ofbeldisfullra foreldra<\/h2>\n

N\u00fa hlj\u00f3ta einhver \u00feessara tilvika a\u00f0 vera \u00feannig a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 foreldri sem beitir \u00fatilokun hafi upplifa\u00f0 miki\u00f0 ofbeldi og vilji bara vernda b\u00f6rnin og s\u00e9 bara hreinlega hr\u00e6tt? Liggur eitthva\u00f0 fyrir um hversu algengt er a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 enginn fluguf\u00f3tur fyrir \u00e1s\u00f6kunum um a\u00f0 anna\u00f0 foreldri\u00f0 s\u00e9 ofbeldisfullt, h\u00e6ttulegt e\u00f0a \u00f3\u00e1byrgt? Veistu hvort \u00feetta hefur veri\u00f0 rannsaka\u00f0?<\/strong><\/p>\n

J\u00e1, \u00feetta hefur miki\u00f0 veri\u00f0 rannsaka\u00f0 og \u00fea\u00f0 er sk\u00fdr munur \u00e1 vi\u00f0horfum barna sem hafa or\u00f0i\u00f0 fyrir ofbeldi e\u00f0a vanr\u00e6kslu og b\u00f6rnum sem eru beitt foreldra\u00fatilokun. B\u00f6rn sem eru beitt foreldra\u00fatilokun hafna yfirleitt a\u00f0 \u00f6llu leyti samskiptum vi\u00f0 \u00fatiloka\u00f0a foreldri\u00f0. \u00dea\u00f0 gera b\u00f6rn sem eru raunverulega beitt ofbeldi e\u00f0a vanr\u00e6kslu n\u00e6stum \u00fev\u00ed aldrei. \u00deetta er vel \u00feekkt \u00ed barnaverndargeiranum. Jafnvel \u00fe\u00f3tt \u00feeim s\u00e9 komi\u00f0 \u00ed f\u00f3stur a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e1 strj\u00faka \u00feau \u00far f\u00f3strinu til a\u00f0 fara aftur heim til ofbeldisfullra foreldra. B\u00f6rn sem eru beitt foreldra\u00fatilokun s\u00fdna alveg einstaka heg\u00f0un og einstakt vi\u00f0horf. \u00deau sj\u00e1 foreldri\u00f0 sem beitir \u00fatilokuninni sem algerlega gallalaust en ekkert gott vi\u00f0 \u00fatiloka\u00f0a foreldri\u00f0. \u00dea\u00f0 er vont, \u00fea\u00f0 er ofbeldisfullt og \u00fea\u00f0 er hr\u00e6\u00f0ilegt og \u00feau vilja alls ekki vera hj\u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed. Svona svarthv\u00edt s\u00fdn \u00e1 foreldra s\u00e9st eiginlega bara hj\u00e1 b\u00f6rnum sem eru beitt foreldra\u00fatilokun.<\/p>\n

Manni finnst kannski \u00f3sennilegt a\u00f0 \u00f6ll st\u00f3rfj\u00f6lskyldan og allir vinirnir s\u00e9u ofbeldisf\u00f3lk en n\u00fa heyrist gjarnan \u00fea\u00f0 vi\u00f0horf a\u00f0 ef anna\u00f0 foreldri\u00f0 vill alls ekki a\u00f0 b\u00f6rnin umgangist hitt foreldri\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e1 hafi l\u00edklega eitthva\u00f0 miki\u00f0 gengi\u00f0 \u00e1. Og oft tala\u00f0 um ofbeldi \u00ed \u00fev\u00ed sambandi. Getur ekki veri\u00f0 a\u00f0 barn sem er beitt foreldra\u00fatilokun hafi l\u00edka or\u00f0i\u00f0 fyrir ofbeldi af h\u00e1lfu \u00fatiloka\u00f0a foreldisins?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Alveg \u00f6rugglega, allir foreldrar eru \u00f3fullkomnir og geta gert alvarleg mist\u00f6k. Foreldri sem vir\u00f0ir r\u00e9tt barnsins til a\u00f0 elska og eiga l\u00edka gott samband vi\u00f0 hitt foreldri\u00f0 mun reyna a\u00f0 skapa \u00fe\u00e6r a\u00f0st\u00e6\u00f0ur a\u00f0 barni\u00f0 geti \u00e1tt heilbrigt samband vi\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 foreldri, jafnvel \u00fe\u00f3tt eitthva\u00f0 miki\u00f0 hafi gengi\u00f0 \u00e1. Foreldri sem skilur ekki e\u00f0a vir\u00f0ir ekki \u00feennan r\u00e9tt og \u00feessa \u00fe\u00f6rf barnsins til a\u00f0 elska b\u00e1\u00f0a foreldra s\u00edna notar mist\u00f6k\/bresti hins foreldrisins sem afs\u00f6kun fyrir \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 sl\u00edta samband barnsins vi\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 foreldri. Afm\u00e1 \u00fea\u00f0 \u00far l\u00edfi \u00feess. \u00c1 \u00feessu er reginmunur.<\/p>\n

\u00cd \u00feessu sambandi \u00fe\u00e1 er l\u00edka mikilv\u00e6gt a\u00f0 hafa \u00ed huga a\u00f0 foreldri sem finnur a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 er a\u00f0 missa samband vi\u00f0 barni\u00f0 sitt er mj\u00f6g l\u00edklegt til a\u00f0 gera \u00e1standi\u00f0 verra me\u00f0 vi\u00f0br\u00f6g\u00f0um s\u00ednum. Barni\u00f0 er kannski fari\u00f0 a\u00f0 s\u00fdna \u00fev\u00ed l\u00edtilsvir\u00f0ingu og jafnvel bera upp \u00e1 \u00fea\u00f0 lj\u00f3tar og \u00f3sannar s\u00f6gur um a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 hafi komi\u00f0 hr\u00e6\u00f0ilega fram vi\u00f0 hitt foreldri\u00f0. \u00de\u00e1 fellur foreldri\u00f0 gjarnan \u00ed \u00fe\u00e1 gryfju a\u00f0 fara a\u00f0 reyna a\u00f0 sanna fyrir barninu a\u00f0 \u00feetta s\u00e9 \u00f3satt og skamma \u00fea\u00f0 fyrir \u00f3bo\u00f0lega framkomu.<\/p>\n

\u00dea\u00f0 eru mist\u00f6k, \u00fev\u00ed barni\u00f0 er me\u00f0 hjarta\u00f0 fullt af heift, rei\u00f0i og vonbrig\u00f0um sem koma fr\u00e1 hinu foreldrinu. \u00dea\u00f0 er algerlega sannf\u00e6rt um a\u00f0 \u00feetta s\u00e9 satt og a\u00f0 fara a\u00f0 skamma \u00fea\u00f0 fyrir a\u00f0 vera me\u00f0 \u00feessa sannf\u00e6ringu gerir hlutina bara verri. \u00dea\u00f0 er betra a\u00f0 s\u00fdna stillingu, segja a\u00f0 \u00feessi l\u00fdsing s\u00e9 mj\u00f6g \u00f3l\u00edk \u00feeirri upplifun sem foreldri\u00f0 hafi sj\u00e1lft en a\u00f0 mi\u00f0a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 l\u00fdsinguna s\u00e9 rei\u00f0i \u00feess mj\u00f6g skiljanleg. Hins vegar s\u00e9u \u00feetta m\u00e1l sem fullor\u00f0nir eigi a\u00f0 afgrei\u00f0a s\u00edn \u00e1 milli og ekki blanda b\u00f6rnunum s\u00ednum inn \u00ed \u00fev\u00ed \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 mj\u00f6g s\u00e1rt fyrir \u00feau.<\/p>\n

Svona mist\u00f6k ger\u00f0i \u00e9g sj\u00e1lfur og \u00e9g veit a\u00f0 \u00feau voru mj\u00f6g s\u00e6randi fyrir eldri d\u00e6tur m\u00ednar. \u00c9g vildi a\u00f0 \u00e9g hef\u00f0i vita\u00f0 meira um \u00fea\u00f0 hvernig v\u00e6ri best a\u00f0 r\u00e6\u00f0a vi\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e6r um \u00fea\u00f0 sem var \u00ed gangi.<\/p>\n

Sorg sem endar aldrei<\/h2>\n

Gerir\u00f0u \u00fe\u00e9r vonir um a\u00f0 eiga e\u00f0lilegt samband vi\u00f0 d\u00f3ttur \u00fe\u00edna og f\u00f3sturd\u00f3ttur aftur?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Au\u00f0vita\u00f0 vona \u00e9g a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e6r komi til baka en \u00e9g er ekkert s\u00e9rlega bjarts\u00fdnn ef \u00e9g \u00e1 a\u00f0 segja alveg eins og er. \u00c9g f\u00f3r til prests fyrir nokkrum \u00e1rum. \u00deetta er sorg sem aldrei endar, \u00fea\u00f0 er aldrei nein lokun \u00ed sorgarferlinu \u00fev\u00ed ma\u00f0ur heldur alltaf \u00ed vonina. \u00c9g sag\u00f0i vi\u00f0 hann; \u201e\u00fea\u00f0 er eins og \u00fe\u00e6r s\u00e9u d\u00e1nar og mig langar bara a\u00f0 setja kross einhverssta\u00f0ar me\u00f0 nafninu \u00feeirra svo \u00e9g geti syrgt \u00fe\u00e6r.\u201c Og presturinn sag\u00f0i, \u201ej\u00e1 \u00e9g skil a\u00f0 \u00feig langi a\u00f0 gera \u00fea\u00f0 en \u00fe\u00fa hefur ekki leyfi til \u00feess. \u00de\u00fa ert pabbi \u00feeirra og \u00fe\u00e6r eru ekki d\u00e1nar. \u00de\u00fa hefur ekki leyfi til \u00feess a\u00f0 gefa fr\u00e1 \u00fe\u00e9r vonina um a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e6r komi aftur.\u201c<\/p>\n

Og \u00fea\u00f0 er \u00feannig. \u00c9g er pabbi \u00feeirra og \u00feess vegna gef \u00e9g ekki upp vonina.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

S\u00ed\u00f0ustu \u00e1rin hefur foreldra\u00fatilokun e\u00f0a foreldra\u00fatsk\u00fafun fengi\u00f0 \u00e6 meira v\u00e6gi \u00ed umr\u00e6\u00f0um um erfi\u00f0ar umgengnis- og forsj\u00e1rdeilur. Skiptar sko\u00f0anir eru um \u00fea\u00f0 me\u00f0al s\u00e1lfr\u00e6\u00f0inga hvort \u00fea\u00f0 a\u00f0 alast upp vi\u00f0 fjandsamleg vi\u00f0horf \u00ed gar\u00f0 foreldris geti eitt \u00fat af fyrir … Halda \u00e1fram a\u00f0 lesa →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":3632,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,6],"tags":[295,432],"class_list":["post-3631","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-kyndillinn","category-kynjaimyndir-og-mismunun","tag-foreldrajafnretti","tag-foreldrautilokun"],"yoast_head":"\nForeldri hefur ekki leyfi til a\u00f0 gefa upp vonina - Kyndillinn<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.norn.is\/kyndillinn\/foreldri-hefur-ekki-leyfi-til-ad-gefa-upp-vonina\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"is_IS\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Foreldri hefur ekki leyfi til a\u00f0 gefa upp vonina - Kyndillinn\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"S\u00ed\u00f0ustu \u00e1rin hefur foreldra\u00fatilokun e\u00f0a foreldra\u00fatsk\u00fafun fengi\u00f0 \u00e6 meira v\u00e6gi \u00ed umr\u00e6\u00f0um um erfi\u00f0ar umgengnis- og forsj\u00e1rdeilur. 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