Bar\u00e1ttan fyrir mannr\u00e9ttindum og r\u00e9ttl\u00e6ti er eins og pend\u00fall. Krafturinn sem \u00feurfti til a\u00f0 sveifla pend\u00falnum \u00ed r\u00e9tta \u00e1tt sendir hann lengra en \u00fe\u00f6rf var \u00e1. \u00d3r\u00e9ttl\u00e6ti er uppr\u00e6tt, en h\u00e6ttan er s\u00fa a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 f\u00f6rum fram \u00far okkur.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00c9g \u00e1 d\u00f3ttur sem hefur s\u00e6tt \u00f3tr\u00falegri framkomu af h\u00e1lfu \u00f3kunnugra, har\u00f0fullor\u00f0nna karla. Allt fr\u00e1 yfirmanni \u00e1 vinnusta\u00f0 hennar sem f\u00f3r me\u00f0 hana \u00e1 h\u00f3tel \u00ed \u00f6\u00f0rum b\u00e6 (m\u00e9r t\u00f3kst a\u00f0 s\u00e6kja hana \u00ed t\u00e6ka t\u00ed\u00f0) yfir \u00ed \u00f3kunnugan mann sem nudda\u00f0i kynf\u00e6rum s\u00ednum upp vi\u00f0 hana \u00ed str\u00e6t\u00f3. Svo \u00e9g veit sem fa\u00f0ir, br\u00f3\u00f0ir, sonur, vinur og sem manneskja hversu hr\u00e6\u00f0ileg kynfer\u00f0isleg \u00e1reitni getur veri\u00f0 og hversu erfitt getur veri\u00f0 fyrir sumt f\u00f3lk a\u00f0 takast \u00e1 vi\u00f0 hana. \u00dea\u00f0 var t\u00edmi til kominn a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 ger\u00f0um eitthva\u00f0 \u00ed m\u00e1linu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
En s\u00fa h\u00e6tta vofir yfir a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 f\u00f3rnum of miklu \u00ed \u00feessari nau\u00f0synlegu bar\u00e1ttu. H\u00e9r eru h\u00e6ttumerkin sem \u00e9g s\u00e9:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1) Ellefta grein Mannr\u00e9ttindayfirl\u00fdsingar Sameinu\u00f0u \u00fej\u00f3\u00f0anna hlj\u00f3\u00f0ar svo:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hvern \u00feann, sem borinn er s\u00f6kum fyrir refsivert brot, skal telja saklausan, uns sekt er s\u00f6nnu\u00f0 a\u00f0 l\u00f6gum \u00ed opnu r\u00e9ttarhaldi, enda hafi veri\u00f0 trygg\u00f0 \u00f6ll nau\u00f0synleg \u00farr\u00e6\u00f0i til a\u00f0 halda uppi v\u00f6rnum.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
\u00dea\u00f0 vir\u00f0ist v\u00ed\u00f0t\u00e6k sko\u00f0un a\u00f0 \u00feessi regla \u00e6tti ekki a\u00f0 gilda lengur. J\u00e1, \u00e9g geri m\u00e9r grein fyrir \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 ef 10-20 manneskjur kvarta yfir \u00fev\u00ed sama \u00fe\u00e1 bendir \u00fea\u00f0 til \u00feess a\u00f0 eitthva\u00f0 s\u00e9 a\u00f0, en a\u00f0 fella d\u00f3ma \u00e1 grundvelli fr\u00e1sagna einnar e\u00f0a tveggja manneskja, og a\u00f0eins \u00e1 grundvelli \u00feeirra hli\u00f0ar \u00e1 m\u00e1linu, \u00fea\u00f0 er mannr\u00e9ttindabrot. \u00c9g myndi a\u00f0 minnsta kosti frekar vilja a\u00f0 gl\u00e6pama\u00f0ur gengi laus en a\u00f0 saklaus karl (e\u00f0a kona) s\u00e9 hneppt \u00ed fangelsi. Ef \u00fe\u00fa ert \u00f3samm\u00e1la, veltu \u00feessu \u00fe\u00e1 fyrir \u00fe\u00e9r: Ert \u00fe\u00fa tilb\u00fain(n) til a\u00f0 fara \u00ed fangelsi fyrir eitthva\u00f0 sem \u00fe\u00fa ger\u00f0ir ekki? Ef ekki, ger\u00f0u \u00fe\u00e1 ekki r\u00e1\u00f0 fyrir a\u00f0 a\u00f0rir s\u00e9u tilb\u00fanir til \u00feess.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
2) \u00dea\u00f0 eru tv\u00e6r hli\u00f0ar \u00e1 \u00f6llum m\u00e1lum. \u00deetta \u00fe\u00f3ttu lengi svo auglj\u00f3s sannindi a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 t\u00f3k \u00fev\u00ed ekki a\u00f0 nefna \u00fea\u00f0. N\u00fa l\u00e6tur f\u00f3lk eins og \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 bara ein hli\u00f0 \u00e1 m\u00e1linu og s\u00fa hli\u00f0 er upplifun meints brota\u00feola. En til er fj\u00f6ldi d\u00e6ma (og tilrauna) sem s\u00fdna a\u00f0 upplifun og sta\u00f0reyndir fara ekki alltaf saman. Upplifun okkar eru litu\u00f0 af fort\u00ed\u00f0 okkar, pers\u00f3nuleika og v\u00e6ntingum. Misskilningur stafar af \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 f\u00f3lk t\u00falkar sama atvik \u00e1 mismunandi vegu. Og allir vita hversu algengt er a\u00f0 misskilingur ver\u00f0i milli manna. Svo af hverju \u00e6ttu s\u00f6gur um kynfer\u00f0islega \u00e1reitni a\u00f0 l\u00fata \u00f6\u00f0rum l\u00f6gm\u00e1lum? Eins og \u00e9g hef sagt \u2013 ef 10 e\u00f0a 20 manns segja s\u00f6mu s\u00f6guna \u00fe\u00e1 er tr\u00falegt a\u00f0 f\u00f3tur s\u00e9 fyrir henni, en vi\u00f0 getum ekki d\u00e6mt mannveru \u00e1 grundvelli \u00feess sem ein e\u00f0a tv\u00e6r a\u00f0rar manneskjur segja, \u00e1n sannana um a\u00f0 brot hafi veri\u00f0 frami\u00f0.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
3) M\u00e9r finnst \u00f6murlegt hva\u00f0 f\u00f3lk f\u00e6r miki\u00f0 kikk \u00fat \u00far \u00feessu. \u00dea\u00f0 er sl\u00fa\u00f0urbla\u00f0abl\u00e6r \u00e1 umfj\u00f6llun fj\u00f6lmi\u00f0la um \u00e1sakanirnar. Ma\u00f0ur s\u00e9r n\u00e6stum heykv\u00edslarnar \u00e1 lofti og b\u00e1lkestina hla\u00f0na og tendra\u00f0a. Jes\u00fa Kristur sag\u00f0i:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
S\u00e1 y\u00f0ar sem syndlaus er kasti fyrsta steininum. (J\u00f3h. 8.7)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
\u00c9g efast um a\u00f0 til s\u00e9 s\u00fa manneskja sem aldrei hefur gert neitt um \u00e6vina sem \u00e1st\u00e6\u00f0a er til a\u00f0 i\u00f0rast. \u00c9g efast um a\u00f0 nokkurt okkar st\u00e6\u00f0i uppr\u00e9tt ef fort\u00ed\u00f0 hvers og eins yr\u00f0i grandsko\u00f0u\u00f0. Gleymum \u00fev\u00ed ekki a\u00f0 fr\u00e6gt f\u00f3lk er fj\u00f6lmi\u00f0lamatur svo \u00fea\u00f0 eru miklu meiri l\u00edkur \u00e1 a\u00f0 s\u00f6gur af \u00feeim sem eru \u00e1berandi komi fyrir almannaaugu en s\u00f6gur af \u00fe\u00e9r. \u00dea\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fd\u00f0ir ekki a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fa s\u00e9rt neitt sk\u00e1rri. J\u00e1, \u00e9g veit a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 er au\u00f0veldara fyrir \u00fe\u00e1 fr\u00e6gu og voldugu a\u00f0 misnota a\u00f0st\u00f6\u00f0u s\u00edna, en \u00fea\u00f0 ver\u00f0ur samt a\u00f0 vera svigr\u00fam fyrir mannlegan breyskleika. Vi\u00f0 getum ekki l\u00e1ti\u00f0 eins og heimurinn s\u00e9 svarthv\u00edtur. Fr\u00e6gt f\u00f3lk er l\u00edka manneskjur.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
4) Og \u00fea\u00f0 lei\u00f0ir okkur a\u00f0 n\u00e6sta atri\u00f0i. N\u00fdju m\u00f6ntrunni um a\u00f0 kynfer\u00f0isleg \u00e1reitni skuli undir engum kringumst\u00e6\u00f0um l\u00ed\u00f0ast. \u00deegar f\u00f3lk nefnir \u201ezero tolerance\u201c f\u00e6 \u00e9g sting \u00ed hjarta\u00f0. Gr\u00e1a sv\u00e6\u00f0i\u00f0 milli nau\u00f0gunar og kynl\u00edfs me\u00f0 uppl\u00fdstu sam\u00feykki er b\u00fdsna st\u00f3rt. \u00dea\u00f0 ver\u00f0ur a\u00f0 vera til svigr\u00fam fyrir misskilning og heimskulega framkomu \u00e1\u00f0ur en vi\u00f0 \u00farskur\u00f0um alla \u201eskr\u00edmsli\u201c sem hafa veri\u00f0 \u00e1saka\u00f0ir um kynfer\u00f0islega \u00e1reitni. Og afsaki\u00f0, en \u00e9g held ekki a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 alltaf h\u00e6gt a\u00f0 d\u00e6ma pers\u00f3nuleika manns \u00fat fr\u00e1 framkomu hans. Stundum gerir f\u00f3lk heimskulega hluti, en \u00fea\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fd\u00f0ir ekki a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 vondar manneskjur. Vi\u00f0 erum ekki summan af hinum verstu stundum \u00ed l\u00edfi okkar, vi\u00f0 erum meira en \u00fea\u00f0. Eins og l\u00f6greglu\u00fej\u00f3nninn Jim Kurring sag\u00f0i \u00ed kvikmyndinni Magnolia (1999):<\/p>\n\n\n\n
F\u00f3lk heldur a\u00f0 \u00feegar \u00e9g felli \u00farskur\u00f0 s\u00e9 \u00e9g a\u00f0 d\u00e6ma \u00fea\u00f0 pers\u00f3nulega. En \u00fea\u00f0 er ekki \u00fea\u00f0 sem \u00e9g geri og \u00fea\u00f0 er ekki \u00fea\u00f0 sem \u00e1 a\u00f0 gera. \u00c9g ver\u00f0 a\u00f0 taka \u00fev\u00ed sem a\u00f0 h\u00f6ndum ber og finna lausn \u00e1 hverju m\u00e1li fyrir sig. Stundum \u00fearf f\u00f3lk svolitla hj\u00e1lp. Stundum \u00fearf f\u00f3lk fyrirgefningu. Og stundum \u00fearf \u00fea\u00f0 a\u00f0 fara \u00ed fangelsi. Og \u00fea\u00f0 er afar sn\u00fai\u00f0 fyrir mig \u2026 a\u00f0 fella \u00feann \u00farskur\u00f0. L\u00f6g eru l\u00f6g, og \u00e9g er fjandinn hafi \u00fea\u00f0 ekki a\u00f0 fara a\u00f0 brj\u00f3ta \u00feau. En ef h\u00e6gt er a\u00f0 fyrirgefa einhverjum \u2026 \u00fea\u00f0 er erfi\u00f0i hlutinn. Hva\u00f0 getum vi\u00f0 fyrirgefi\u00f0? \u00dea\u00f0 er erfi\u00f0asti hlutinn af \u00feessu starfi. \u00dea\u00f0 er vandam\u00e1l \u00feess sem er \u00e1 g\u00f6tur\u00f6ltinu.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
5) \u00dea\u00f0 eru ekki bara konur sem ver\u00f0a fyrir kynfer\u00f0islegri \u00e1reitni. \u00c9g hef skrifa\u00f0 um \u00fea\u00f0 \u00e1\u00f0ur, svo \u00e9g \u00e6tla ekki a\u00f0 endurtaka eigin pers\u00f3nulegu reynslu h\u00e9r, en spyrji\u00f0 hva\u00f0a karlmann sem er hvort hann hafi einhvern t\u00edma upplifa\u00f0 kynfer\u00f0islegan \u00e1huga fr\u00e1 konu sem hann k\u00e6r\u00f0i sig ekki um, og \u00fea\u00f0 eru yfirgn\u00e6fandi l\u00edkur \u00e1 a\u00f0 svari\u00f0 s\u00e9 j\u00e1. N\u00e1nast allt f\u00f3lk upplifir kynfer\u00f0islega \u00e1reitni um \u00e6vina. \u00dea\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fd\u00f0ir ekki a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 s\u00e9um \u00f6ll f\u00f3rnarl\u00f6mb. \u00c9g hef or\u00f0i\u00f0 fyrir kynfer\u00f0islegri \u00e1reitni b\u00e6\u00f0i af h\u00e1lfu karla og kvenna en \u00fear sem \u00fea\u00f0 skildi ekki eftir nein \u00f6r og \u00e9g gat bara hrist \u00fea\u00f0 af m\u00e9r \u00fe\u00e1 l\u00edt \u00e9g ekki \u00e1 sj\u00e1lfan mig sem f\u00f3rnarlamb. \u00dea\u00f0 afsakar au\u00f0vita\u00f0 ekki<\/em> alla kynfer\u00f0islega \u00e1reitni, \u00fea\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fd\u00f0ir bara a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 getum ekki gengi\u00f0 \u00fat fr\u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00f6ll kynfer\u00f0isleg \u00e1reitni geri manneskju a\u00f0 f\u00f3rnarlambi. Kynfer\u00f0isleg \u00e1reitni er ekki bara karlmennskuvandam\u00e1l. H\u00fan er a\u00f0 hluta menningarlegt vandam\u00e1l, a\u00f0 nokkru leyti fylgifiskur mannlegra samskipta og a\u00f0 hluta misneyting, Og \u00feetta \u00ferennt er ekki<\/em> sami hluturinn. \u00dea\u00f0 er gr\u00e1skali.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
6) S\u00fa h\u00e6tta er yfirvofandi a\u00f0 \u00feessi (mikilv\u00e6ga) bar\u00e1tta lei\u00f0i til p\u00faritanisma. Vi\u00f0 sj\u00e1um n\u00fa \u00feegar h\u00e6ttumerkin. Karlar spyrja \u00ed \u00f3vissu sinni hvar m\u00f6rkin liggi. Bara \u00fea\u00f0 a\u00f0 menn sj\u00e1i \u00e1st\u00e6\u00f0u til a\u00f0 spyrja vekur ugg af tveim \u00f3l\u00edkum \u00e1st\u00e6\u00f0um: \u00dea\u00f0 er \u00f3gnvekjandi ef karlar \u00e1tta sig ekki \u00e1 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 a\u00f0 bera sig e\u00f0a \u00fevinga einhvern til kynmaka er ekki \u00ed lagi. \u00dea\u00f0 \u00e6tti a\u00f0 vera auglj\u00f3st a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 er ekki \u00e1s\u00e6ttanleg heg\u00f0un. \u00dea\u00f0 er l\u00edka \u00f3gnvekjandi ef karlar \u00feora ekki a\u00f0 kyssa konu \u00e1 stefnum\u00f3ti af \u00f3tta vi\u00f0 a\u00f0 ver\u00f0a \u00e1saka\u00f0ir um kynfer\u00f0is\u00e1reitni e\u00f0a eru hr\u00e6ddir vi\u00f0 a\u00f0 da\u00f0ra af \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 yr\u00f0i ef til vill nota\u00f0 gegn \u00feeim. \u00c9g tala um karla, af \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 fram a\u00f0 \u00feessu hafa \u00fea\u00f0 a\u00f0allega veri\u00f0 karlar sem liggja undir \u00e1m\u00e6li. En \u00fea\u00f0 er bara t\u00edmaspursm\u00e1l hven\u00e6r \u00e1sakanirnar fara a\u00f0 beinast gegn voldugum og fr\u00e6gum konum. Viljum vi\u00f0 virkilega fara \u00feanga\u00f0? Var Viktor\u00edut\u00edminn virkilega svo fr\u00e1b\u00e6r?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
7) A\u00f0 s\u00ed\u00f0ustu \u00fe\u00e1 \u00f3ttast \u00e9g upphafningu f\u00f3rnarlambsv\u00e6\u00f0ingarinnar. F\u00f3lk n\u00fdtur vi\u00f0urkenningar sem f\u00f3rnarl\u00f6mb, en mj\u00f6g f\u00e1ir \u00f6\u00f0last vi\u00f0urkenningu fyrir getuna til a\u00f0 hrista hlutina af s\u00e9r. Vinkonu minni var nau\u00f0ga\u00f0 og h\u00fan einsetti s\u00e9r a\u00f0 l\u00e1ta \u00fea\u00f0 ekki skilgreina hver h\u00fan v\u00e6ri. H\u00fan f\u00e9kk miki\u00f0 af neikv\u00e6\u00f0um vi\u00f0br\u00f6g\u00f0um vegna \u00feess. H\u00fan var ekki a\u00f0 takast \u00e1 vi\u00f0 s\u00e1rsaukann og svo framvegis og framvegis \u2026 Allt hefur sinn t\u00edma. F\u00f3lk gengur \u00ed gegnum sorgarferli en \u00feegar \u00fev\u00ed l\u00fdkur er t\u00edmab\u00e6rt a\u00f0 halda \u00e1fram. J\u00e1, \u00e9g skil a\u00f0 kona upplifi kynfer\u00f0islega \u00e1reitni sem meiri \u00f3gn en karlma\u00f0ur af \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 flestir karlar eru sterkari en flestar konur en \u00e9g efast um a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 eina \u00e1st\u00e6\u00f0a \u00feess a\u00f0 bara konur tj\u00e1 sig n\u00fa. K\u00f6rlum hefur veri\u00f0 kennt a\u00f0 hrista hlutina af s\u00e9r. Taka s\u00e9r tak. Konur eru hvattar til a\u00f0 segja fr\u00e1. Kannski \u00feurfum vi\u00f0 hvort tveggja?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Vi\u00f0 \u00e6ttum a\u00f0 minnsta kosti ekki a\u00f0 skapa menningu \u00fear sem f\u00f3lk f\u00e6r ekki a\u00f0 halda \u00e1fram heldur er hvatt til \u00feess a\u00f0 lifa \u00ed hlutverki p\u00edslarhetjunnar. \u00dear sem manneskjan n\u00fdtur a\u00f0eins a\u00f0d\u00e1unar ef h\u00fan anna\u00f0hvort f\u00f3rnarlamb e\u00f0a m\u00far sem stendur \u00f6ll \u00e1f\u00f6ll af s\u00e9r. \u00dea\u00f0 \u00fearf a\u00f0 vera til millivegur.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Bar\u00e1ttan fyrir mannr\u00e9ttindum og r\u00e9ttl\u00e6ti er eins og pend\u00fall. Krafturinn sem \u00feurfti til a\u00f0 sveifla pend\u00falnum \u00ed r\u00e9tta \u00e1tt sendir hann lengra en \u00fe\u00f6rf var \u00e1. \u00d3r\u00e9ttl\u00e6ti er uppr\u00e6tt, en h\u00e6ttan er s\u00fa a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 f\u00f6rum fram \u00far okkur. \u00c9g \u00e1 d\u00f3ttur sem hefur s\u00e6tt \u00f3tr\u00falegri framkomu af h\u00e1lfu \u00f3kunnugra, har\u00f0fullor\u00f0nna karla. Allt fr\u00e1 yfirmanni […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":359,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[670,5,1041],"tags":[78,106,105,102,104],"class_list":["post-358","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fornarlambsfeminismi","category-kyn-klam","category-kyn-ofbeldi","tag-metoo","tag-fornarlambsvaeding","tag-heimilislausir","tag-kynferdisareitni","tag-rettlat-malsmedferd","et-has-post-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"yoast_head":"\n
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